226 The Secret Sauce of Happy Non-Monogamy: Exquisite Transition Management

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Oct 18, 2025

Explore the nuanced world of relationship transitions, especially in non-monogamous contexts. Discover the impact of seemingly small shifts in attention and how they can lead to unexpected friction. Learn about different transition styles and the importance of acknowledging your own needs. Simple rituals can transform parting and rejoining into opportunities for deeper intimacy. The conversation also emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting norms to make transitions smoother and more fulfilling.

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INSIGHT

Transitions Shape Daily Relationship Health

Transitions are frequent shifts of attention or space that subtly shape relationship satisfaction over time.
Joli Hamilton calls transition management a skill that can either grind you down or build intimacy when done proactively.

ADVICE

Name Your Transition Style

Identify if you're a "fast shifter" or a "slow shifter" and tell your partner honestly about it.
Own being "high maintenance" when true, because pretending worsens friction during transitions.

ADVICE

Use Tiny Parting Rituals

Create simple parting rituals that acknowledge the transition, even a brief high-five can work.
Keep rituals short but consistent so they reliably signal consent and team alignment before separation.

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We all experience transitions in our relationships. And, they can actually be even more frequent in non-monogamous relationships, like when our attention shifts from one partner to another, when we leave for a date, or when we return home. These seemingly small shifts in energy and attention can create surprising friction, even in the healthiest dynamics.

A ton of us could use extra support around these issues. In fact, transition management is the topic that results in the most emergency sessions scheduled with Dr. Joli! That's because these moments, when handled poorly, can turn what could be positive experiences into sources of conflict and disconnection. But with some thoughtful planning and self-awareness, transitions can actually become opportunities for deeper intimacy.

In this episode, we talk about:

— What relationship transitions actually are (they're more than just coming and going!)

— Why the "grinding" day-to-day moments can either build you up or wear you down

— The importance of acknowledging your own transition style—are you a "fast shifter" or a "slow shifter"?

— Why it's okay to be "high maintenance" about your transition needs (and why pretending you don't have needs only makes things worse)

— How to create simple but effective transition rituals that don't have to be complicated to work

— Why compromise in transition planning doesn't necessarily mean "splitting the difference"

— The critical difference between reconnection and debriefing (and why mixing them can lead to problems)

— How to handle the "last bit of time" before reunion, which is often the hardest part for the person at home

— The unique challenges of managing transitions in long-distance relationships

— Why the fear of being "too needy" can actually prevent us from creating the transition support we really need

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions