On Premarital Sex Part 3: Making Sexual Decisions with Wisdom — Not Fear

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind?

This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack:

✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset.

Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers.

This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom.

For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner