Myisha Battle, a certified sex and dating coach and author of "This Is Supposed to Be Fun," dives deep into the myths surrounding romantic relationships. She challenges the 'You complete me' mindset, arguing it creates feelings of incompleteness. Battle discusses the importance of understanding intimacy beyond just sex, the orgasm gap, and modern dating challenges, including the impact of dating apps. She also emphasizes cultivating emotional connections and navigating societal pressures while seeking authentic relationships.
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insights INSIGHT
You Complete Me Model's Problems
The "you complete me" model assumes individuals are incomplete without romantic partners, placing undue pressure on finding "the one".
This model devalues other relationships and overburdens romantic partners, hindering sexual connection.
insights INSIGHT
Bromance and Emotional Dependency
Societal norms discourage men from expressing romantic feelings toward male friends, often misconstruing them as sexual desire.
This limits men's connections beyond female partners, overburdening women emotionally.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Improving Intimacy
Improve non-sexual intimacy through regular physical affection without a sexual agenda.
Schedule sex to create novelty and anticipation, separating it from non-sexual intimacy.
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This Is Supposed to Be Fun is a uniquely inclusive guide that helps readers navigate modern dating by focusing on communication, authenticity, and personal fulfillment. Drawing from diverse client stories, Myisha Battle offers practical advice on creating meaningful connections and enjoying the dating process. The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and respecting individual differences in relationships.
Mating in Captivity
Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
Esther Perel
In this book, Esther Perel explores the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, arguing that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor can be antithetical to erotic desire. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel uses case studies and lively discussions to demonstrate how more exciting, playful, and poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. She emphasizes the importance of maintaining independence, mystery, and the space between self and other to sustain desire.
Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
A pessimist's guide to marriage
The School of Life
This book examines the reasons behind deep-seated incompatibilities in marriages and proposes a shift from the Romantic view of marriage to a more practical, psychological approach. It suggests that marriage should be practiced and rehearsed like other skills, acknowledging that perfection is unattainable and that everyone is flawed. The essays provide practical advice and consolation for navigating relationships.
Devil Makes Three
Ben Fountain
Devil Makes Three is a propulsive novel that delves into the tumultuous world of Haiti following the 1991 coup that ousted President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. The story follows a diverse cast of characters, including American expats and Haitian nationals, as they navigate the treacherous landscape of political upheaval and personal survival. The novel explores themes of power, greed, and the complex interplay of international politics.
Intimate terrorism
The Crisis of Love in an Age of Disillusion
Michael Vincent Miller
This book examines the problems of intimacy in contemporary Western culture, arguing that cultural myths about love are often arrested in adolescence. It delves into how traditional romantic love can lead to disillusionment and power struggles within relationships. Miller suggests that American individualism and unrealistic sexual values contribute to these issues and offers insights on how to address these problems through a more nuanced understanding of love and relationships[2][3][4].
New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.
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How our false expectations and misunderstandings about relationships can create an incalculable amount of suffering — and the many problems of the "You complete me" model.
Description:
This episode was part one of our four-part series where we’re counter-programming against the way Valentine’s Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.
Today’s guest hews a bit more closely to the traditional Valentine’s Day theme and will do some myth-busting around all the things we tend to get wrong when we talk about romantic relationships.
Myisha Battle is the author of the book, “This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between.” She also hosts the podcast How’s Your Sex Life? Much of her public work focuses on the early stages of relationships, but in her private practice, she counsels people at all stages, and in all kinds of relationships.
Content Warning: Explicit language and conversations about sex.
In this episode we talk about:
Five ways to improve intimacy and connection in romantic partnership
The nuts and bolts of sex, and how we often get intimacy and sex confused in unhelpful ways
Understanding men’s and women’s cycles to depersonalize issues in sex and relationships
The myth of finding “the one”
The orgasm gap
Bromance
And if you’re looking, tips on how to make finding a partner easier
10% Happier with Dan Harris 
