Skinny Husbands, Bad Bras, and Talking Bodies with Kids.

You’re listening to Burnt Toast! This is the podcast where we talk about diet culture, fatphobia, parenting and health.

Today we’re doing a very fun Ask Me Anything episode. A lot of great questions came in, so I’ve asked Corinne to help out with this one. For folks who don’t know, Corinne works on Burnt Toast with me and she is also the founder of @selltradeplus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing. She very graciously agreed to come ask me your questions and even answer one of her own.

Also! We’re planning another AMA ep for next month, to celebrate ONE YEAR of Burnt Toast (in its current fully-formed newsletter/podcast iteration). So if you’ve got even more questions for us, and especially if you have questions about the newsletter, or my book (which is also getting done next month!) put them here.

If you enjoy this episode, please subscribe, rate and review us in your podcast player! And subscribe to the Burnt Toast newsletter for episode transcripts, reported essays, and more.

Episode 44 Transcript

Virginia

Hi Corinne! I have drafted you to come on and help with this AMA episode. These things are always so weird and I have feelings about them. So, I’m glad you’re here to do it with me.

Corinne

I love an AMA.

Virginia

They are the kind of thing that I kind of hate doing myself but also love other people’s. So I recognize that people enjoy it.

Corinne

Here’s our first question:

I’d love to know if there’s any body related topic you ever have a hard time discussing with your kids. And if when that happens, what do you do to get better at having the conversation / beginning the conversation?

Virginia

So for context, my kids are four and eight. I’m sure there are many body conversations we have yet to have that may be hard for me in the future. But, I have covered genitalia in a lot of detail. I’ve explained what the clitoris is for. And certainly, there’s a lot of fat positive talk in our house. All of those conversations I sort of weirdly enjoy. I guess because often in parenting, you’re not really having meaningful conversations with your kids, you’re just trying to move them through the day. When they ask a question like that, it’s like, oh, this is an opportunity to actually tell you something I know something about, it’s weirdly rewarding. So those questions don’t throw me too much. 

The stress point for me on this is more related to food, when I’m navigating my children’s strong feelings about not wanting to eat what I’m serving, what they wish I was serving, that kind of thing. I’m just more exhausted by it and annoyed by it, whereas with the curiosity about bodies I’m like, “Yeah, man! Let’s be curious about bodies! That’s great!” But when it’s more feelings about me wanting to keep all foods neutral but maybe once a week we eat a vegetable, I can sometimes feel more unsure in the moment. My kids also can use my work against me, which is very smart of them, but also frustrating. There will be a lot of, “It’s my body, my choice” when it’s like, “But can you brush your teeth?” And then it’s like, well, crap. Good work, guys. 

I would also say there are definitely conversations where I was overwhelmed the first time we had them. The great thing is you never have the conversation just once. I remember trying to explain periods to both my kids. The first time I kind of traumatized them a little bit. I explained what a period was and my younger daughter was like, “Then it’s over and you’re better, right?” And I was like, “Oh, no. You do it every month for the rest of your life.” And then she sobbed “I don’t want to bleed forever,” and went upstairs to her room. And I was like, Do I explain about IUDs? Or have I already taken this too far?

I have plenty of examples of we had a conversation, and I kind of fucked it up. But then you get another chance! And you can normalize it and come back to it. Even if you feel like you really freeze in the moment, or tell them more than they’re asking for and they cry, you can fix it later.

Or, you know, it’s good for them to have stuff to work on in therapy. 

Corinne

That seems like good advice. Next question!

I am pregnant with my second, due in mid July. My first kid will have just turned four. Seems like your kids have a similar age gap. Got any tips for handling this major life transition for our four year old? I feel like he will inevitably hate us and the baby occasionally, but hoping to find ways to maintain some sanity and happiness at the same time. Hopefully?

Virginia

I love this age spread! My kids are four years and two months apart. It was awesome in the baby stage because the older kid can really get into being a big kid. When my kids were three, they didn’t really want to be big kids, they still wanted me to do everything for them. Then sometime around four, they both have switched into “No, wait. I can do it!” and feeling good about that. So, you could lean into like, “Can you go get me the diaper? Can you go get the bottle?” and they would like having the jobs and like being in charge. 

And the other thing about four, I don’t know what your situation is, but mine was in a full day of preschool at that age. So she had her own world. And she would get a lot of attention for being a big sister, but she also could just be with her friends and get attention and wasn’t competing. I think that is easier than when you have two under two. That would be a lot more exhausting. 

I did buy some new cheap coloring books and stickers and that kind of thing and I stuck them in a box and it was called her “big sister box.” Then when I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding or going to be stuck in one place with the baby for a bit, I could say, “Do you want to get out your big sister box?” and she would have an activity she could do so that she was less enraged that I wasn’t actively paying attention to her. We didn’t end up having to use it a ton, but it definitely helped in the first couple of weeks. 

But it will be a huge shift. My relationship with my older child did change a lot, just because now there are two of them. So just looking for ways to carve out time with your older kid can be helpful to reinforce your bond with with him. Especially in the early stages, there would be a lot of like, “The baby’s just gonna like sleep on the floor here while I’m doing something with the bigger kid.” It is funny because with your first kid you would think I should be paying attention to you all the time. You do ignore the littler one a little more the second time, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

The other thing I will say for four years apart, there are ages where they can really play together and be really close. Ours were really close at six and two and three and seven. Four and eight, there’s a little bit more of a developmental change. But it’s actually starting to come back again. I give two thumbs up to this age spread. 

Corinne

What’s your childcare situation? Do you feel like you get enough time for yourself and your marriage? I have a one year old and I’m definitely struggling on the enough time front, even though I outsource most tasks.

Virginia

You have a one year old, so it’s just terrible right now. And it will get better. I’m sorry, you’re in a very hard time. I think one is, in some ways, harder than the newborn stage when they’re like a little cute house plant and you can put them places. But one, you really can’t multitask because they’re always one head injury away from a hospital trip.  

Right now, we don’t have childcare outside of the school day. Our kids are in school from about 8:30am to whoever’s picking them up has to leave at 2:30pm. Except two days a week when they have after school activities, so they stay later and get picked up between four and five. Dan and I trade off on who does the afternoon pickups. I do Mondays and Fridays. And he does Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (which includes their later activity days). So I get three days a week where I have a pretty full workday. I’m back from school drop off by nine-ish, and I’m at my desk till between four and five. So it’s pretty manageable, although I do have to plan carefully to remember to leave my desk at 2:30 on the days I have to pick them up from school. But it is not a 50 hour workweek, it’s not compatible with a corporate job. That’s for sure. We’re lucky that we both have pretty flexible careers. 

In terms of feeling like I get enough time for myself and my marriage, it’s like one or the other, I would say? There’s the hours they’re in child care, but there’s also the morning of getting kids out the door, then the afternoon and early part of the evening is very family focused. We’ve got one kid in bed by seven and one kid still around until about 8 or 8:30. And I like to go to bed at 8:30, so that’s kind of my day. So, yeah, it is tricky to fit in either time together or time alone.

[Virginia Note: I completely forgot to give my best tip for getting alone time, which is: I get up between 5-6am and the rest of my family isn’t up till 7:30am. So I start my day with a chunk of time to myself. This is essential to my ability to love them when they wake up.]

We’re still working on it, I would say. We do try to watch a show together a few nights a week, and on Friday nights, we feed the kids early and order takeout for ourselves after they go to bed, so we can have dinner without them. Other nights, he does his own thing and I do a puzzle and maybe the 8-year-old hangs out and reads. Now that we’re not in COVID craziness, we are able to get babysitters for date nights or nights out with friends. Also at these ages—and you are not here at the one year old—but with a four and eight year old, it is much less of a big deal for one of us to go away with friends for the weekend. So we’ve been doing that more, or even just saying, “I’m going to be out for a chunk of hours on the weekend.” Like I would feel rage at being left with small children when they were under three because it’s just so much work. Now it’s much more like my kids can entertain themselves and play together and I can be out in the garden while they’re doing stuff and it’s not as draining. So, it definitely gets better. But yeah, the one year old year is a time where having enough time for yourself is very hard.

I feel like I just convinced a lot of people not to have kids. Well, maybe I’m not wrong.

Corinne

You have mentioned that your husband is thin and athletic. So is mine. How do you manage your feelings around gaining weight while he has stayed thin. This is an area that I’m struggling with for myself.

Virginia

Yes, skinny husbands are the worst! One thing that has been helpful is, as I have been able to untangle weight and health, I understand that both of our health pictures are quite nuanced in different ways. Just because he’s thin and can run a lot does not necessarily mean he’s “healthier” than me by every marker, if that makes sense. I don’t feel like I need to compare our cardiovascular abilities. Which, obviously his are superior because he’s a marathon runner and I’m not.

The other thing about me and Dan is we went to high school together. We actually went to middle school together, too. 

Corinne

Whoa. Big reveal.

Virginia

It’s a whole thing. So we know a lot of people who knew us a long time ago and when we run into people who knew us a long time ago, I do have to do some self talk. I look very different than we looked 20 years ago and he looks like the same, but a little more gray hair. It just is what it is, you know? His whole family is built that way. They have of one type of person they make with their genes. My family has a different type of person that we make with our genes. And our person changes more through the years, and this is normal. It’s not a value judgment on either of our body types. But I’ve had a few moments over the years of feeling weird about that and needing to process it. 

What it also really comes down to is that he’s never made me feel weird about my body. He has been a fan of my body throughout its journey. So I think as long as you’ve got that in place, then it shouldn’t matter. My sense of my body does not hinge on my husband’s feelings about it. But if there is a way in which your thin partner is making you feel bad about your larger body, that’s a whole other thing you need to unpack and work through. And that’s not a part of our story. It’s very tricky because it’s not just about what your weight is. It’s also about how you both think about weight. 

Corinne 

There was a TikTok going around for a while where some thin lady was like, “I have to tell you, try on your boyfriend’s jeans! They’re amazing!” and then all these bigger women responding like, “LOL, Yeah. They go up to my knees.”

Virginia

The other day, I grabbed the wrong coat to take the dog out to pee. And I was like, “Why doesn’t it zip?” Oh, right. It’s not mine. We have similar looking Northface coats. And that is irritating, but also should not be irritating. It is such a stupid stereotype. It is rooted in no reality that women can’t be bigger than their male partners or that you can’t be bigger than your partner of any gender. This is such an odd thing that we are so locked into. 

Another thing I would say is anytime you start to feel weird about it, remember that the person to blame is not your thin husband and not your fat body. It’s the culture that’s making you think there’s something wrong with a totally normal dynamic. There are millions of thin men married to fat women who think that their fat wives are amazing. And they are not heroes, by the way. That’s the other thing.

Corinne

The next question is, What do you guys think about the “you gotta find the perfectly fitting bra” craze?

Virginia

Okay, I’m going to want to know your thoughts about this because you are more of a fashion expert than me. My first feeling is, it is a ton of marketing hype. And, I do hate a badly fitting bra. This one’s tricky! What do you think?

Corinne

God, I don’t know. I have such a complicated relationship with bras.

Virginia

They’re a very hard garment. It feels like such an industry-created problem, though. Maybe we should do bra science at some point. 

Corinne

I go through waves of like, “F**k bras!!!” where I don’t want to wear a bra or I just want to wear a sports bra. And then like, “No, I really need this architectural garment that fits me perfectly.” But it does sometimes seem like they just don’t make enough sizes. There are too many variables.

Virginia

It is a complicated garment. I shouldn’t say it would be so easy to make bras that fit everybody. The human body has infinite variations. And this is a particularly variable section of anatomy. 

At least not since I had kids—I don’t know if it’s a pregnancy/postpartum thing that never quite went away—I cannot say f**k bras. I wear a bra every day, even in COVID when everyone was not wearing bras. I was like, I’m wearing one. What’s wrong with me? Am I bad feminist? I just am more comfortable in one.

Corinne

I mean, that sounds like an argument for finding the perfectly fitting bra! Weirdly, I just want to ask you, what is it?

Virginia

What is the perfect bra?

Corinne

Is that TMI for the podcast?

Virginia

No! I buy them from barenecessities.com and I think they carry the best variety of brands. I have found their customer service quite helpful. There are two brands I like on there. One is Birdsong, for like more of a structured like, you take it off and it’s still shaped like boobs kind of bra. The other one is Curvy Couture. Terrible name. 

Corinne

I’ve never heard either of those. 

Virginia

This is not sponsored! We don’t do sponsored content. But I’ve been wearing both those brands for years. Because I wear a bra every day, they do wear out after a year or two and I replace them. I find them both pretty comfortable. I’m not saying I put them on and it’s like I’m in a warm bath. They’re still an underwire bra. But I have issues with chafing and movement. I don’t feel comfortable. I am a larger breasted person, but it’s not like, “Oh, I wish they were smaller.” It’s just like, I feel uncomfortable with the way they move around without support. I don’t enjoy that experience, from a physical pain perspective. I’m more comfortable in one.

But this feels like a problem the industry created by not making good bras and then they could say 60 percent of women are wearing the wrong size bra. You need to buy all new bras. If you had just made them better from the beginning, Oprah wouldn’t have had to reveal that to us. 

Corinne

Also like, could there be a little standardization? It just feels so confusing.

Virginia

One thing I like about Bare Necessities is they convert the sizes between brands. So like, I’m like a 38DDD in most brands, but in some brands that’s a 38H and in some brands, that’s a 36F. They seem to have grasped how the different brands change. That’s a very helpful feature that saves me a lot of returns.

I will say Thirdlove bras are s**t. With all their claims of so many sizes. Nope. Nope. Didn’t work for me.

Corinne

At some point, during the pandemic, I did the—there’s a bra Reddit that goes really deep into measuring yourself. And I did that. They have a calculator. Then you can post photos for fit feedback. So, I did that and I was like, oh, none of these fit. And it was like a lot of math.

Virginia

I don’t want to do math when I’m shopping. 

Corinne

If I were going to try again, I would try to go somewhere in person, which is another recommendation I’ve heard. Go get measured by a person who knows what they’re doing. 

Virginia

I haven’t done that in years. I haven’t done that since pre-COVID, if not longer. I live an hour from any good stores. I’d have to be like, “Instead of taking an afternoon to have lunch with a friend, I’m devoting four hours to a bra shopping mission.” Like, I don’t have that much time to myself.

Corinne

“I’m taking a weekend just to find a bra.” Yeah.

Virginia

That is not what I’m going to do with my precious child-free hours.

Corinne

That’s a good point. It’s definitely just not a priority for me. 

Virginia

On the sports bras, have you found a sports bra that you feel like is actually supportive? 

Corinne

I’m more in the soft bra zone right now. There’s a few I like. I like the Free Label Dani Bra. It’s bamboo. The Dani is the biggest bust Free Label style and that is the one that works the best for me. I also wore those True & Co bras for a long time. They’re very thin and very stretchy and I’m definitely outside of their size zone, but it kind of fits.

Virginia

Yeah, I do feel like there is a place for the soft t-shirt-y kind of bra. Mostly just like giving you a piece of elastic and that’s it. Yeah, I do I have ARQ. That’s the one that crazy high waisted underwear, right? I have the one of their bras and I like it for that.

Corinne

Wow, I hate their bras, so… 

Virginia

So guys, don’t feel like we’re giving you hardcore recommendations!

Corinne

There is no perfectly fitting bra.

Virginia

Don’t be influenced. We’re not here to influence. But I do enjoy that ARQ bra because I feel like underwire is wearing permanent grooves in my body at this point.

Corinne

Sometimes I feel like underwire bras like push my boobs out too far. You’re creating an impediment for me going around corners or whatever. You know what I mean?They just need to be strapped down and we’re good to go.

Virginia

Just be efficient and not too much in my way. That’s what I’m looking for.

Corinne

Exactly. So that’s the perfectly fitting bra.

Virginia

In conclusion, yes, we think it’s marketing hype. Also, we wish the the bras fit better.

Corinne

Alright. Next question.

Would you rather 1. talk about food or 2. talk about bodies?

Virginia

I was thinking when we were talking about conversations that are hard to have with your kids, I for sure am more comfortable having the body conversations. But my whole entry point into this world and my authority as someone in this world definitely began with food, because I wrote about my experiences with my older daughter and the feeding tube. And then, breaking out of diet culture. I’ve done so much reporting on diets. So it’s kind of funny that in my own life, I don’t want to talk about food. And I can’t decide if that’s actually because it’s hard or I’m sick of it because this is also my work. But I do find food really annoying to talk about. I feel like when you talk to friends or family members about food, or just in the world about food, food brings up so much. People get really performative and people want to tell you about their diets and they want to be really definitive about it. It’s such an annoying thing to navigate. They want to apologize for how they’re eating like, then you have to deal with that. So I guess I still would rather talk about bodies. There’s pros and cons to it.

Where would you land on that one?

Corinne

I agree with you. Food is really annoying to talk about. Similarly, I used to work with cookbooks and I worked in restaurants. I’ve done a lot of work with food. I feel like maybe people are less aware of cultural stuff around food, like people are more willing to just be like, “I’m Paleo and sugar is bad for you.” And I think people are a little more like connected to their bodies and understand how criticizing how people look can be bad. Or something like that?

Virginia

 I mean, they can both be landmines, for sure. But yeah, I think people tend to say more definitive things about food. And then you’re in this position of like, do I question that? Do I agree with that? What do I do? It can be trickier to navigate.

Corinne

Maybe everyone has a little more sensitivity about their own bodies? 

Virginia

A smidge more sensitivity, depending on the room. 

I mean, from a journalistic perspective, I would say I enjoy both equally, like researching a diet and debunking it, that’s very satisfying. And I like writing about questions about our bodies. I guess I’ve just done more of the food stuff and so now it’s sometimes the body questions are more interesting or feel fresher to me just because of like my trajectory.

Corinne

How did you decide that sharing your personal life, home, children, husband, vacation, etc, will be part of your public professional persona? I follow you on social media because I’m interested in your writing, but because of that, I see what feels like a lot of your personal life. Was this a conscious choice? Can you be a writer in the era of social media without the sharing?

Virginia

I don’t think you can and I hate it. It feels necessary to share in order to be a person people want to follow on Instagram and then hopefully read their work. 

There’s also the fact that I did make the conscious decision to write about a personal experience, which was having a child on a feeding tube. In doing that, I sort of tipped myself into a category of writer who shares some personal things. I could have made the decision to stay a much more straightforward journalistic reporter. Prior to having that experience, I don’t think a lot of my life was on the internet in the same way. I had my first kid in 2013. Instagram was just a baby. All of it was new. I don’t think we were having to do as much sharing in the same way. 

If I had stayed in the more traditional New York Times health reporter type of beat, you don’t know a lot about those people’s lives. But that type of writer doesn’t get to take stands on issues and has to stay in a very traditional model of journalism that I was ready to break out of and do a little more activism journalism, like I do now. So some of it was conscious. 

I do also want to say that, yes, there are categories of my life that I share on Instagram, but there is so much of my life you are not seeing. I think it’s really important that people understand that even when it feels like you’re seeing quite a lot, you’re seeing so little. I share houseplants and gardening because they are actually quite impersonal topics that are fun to talk about with people. I do have other interest that would feel more sensitive to share, you know what I’m saying?

Well maybe I don’t. That’s kind of all I do. But I could!

Also: I no longer show my children’s faces on social media. That was a decision I made a few years ago, as they’ve gotten older and more distinctive looking. Every now and then one slips into a story, but I pretty much don’t. And I don’t share a lot of specifics about their personalities or struggles they’re having. I’ve never talked about toilet training either one of them, and I never will. There is a lot that is off limits. If I have a fight with my husband, you’re not going to hear about it.

I think everybody in this space is constantly drawing and redrawing those lines for ourselves. And it’s really hard because there is the pressure to share more and more. I can draw a direct line towards when I’m being more open and personal on Instagram, I get more engagement and then that brings more people over to the newsletter to engage with my work. That is a shitty thing you have to decide. Getting a dog was helpful because dog content feels innocuous. I can talk about the dog and then share less about the kids, I guess. Penelope has no boundaries with social media.

What are your thoughts on all of that?

Corinne

I am glad to not have to do more of it. It seems really hard. I definitely appreciate that there are lots of things people aren’t sharing on social media.

Virginia

But people do often feel like they know you really well. And I get that because I do it too with people I follow! And it’s sort of funny to then exchange DMs with someone or get an email from someone. Like, of course it feels like you know me because you see my face talking to you or I’m showing you the garden. It’s an odd way of knowing people, I guess.

Corinne

Have you ever gotten recognized on the street?

Virginia

No, that would be so weird. I am not big enough for that. I have friends who have, though, and it is a weird experience.

Interestingly, some of the weirdness has come less from social media and more from traditional media. When I first wrote about my daughter’s condition in some bigger media outlets, we did get some really weird emails and mail. Nothing that was endangering my family—although that absolutely happens, and is revolting. Just things where people were assuming a familiarity with my family that I was not comfortable with.

One other small decision I made is that I never show the exterior of my house on Instagram. Even though I show you the garden, I don’t show you the house. And I don’t plan to change that because that doesn’t need to be a thing people who live in other states can find.

So it is an ongoing question. And it is something everyone I know who is any kind of public persona on Instagram has revisited and struggled with.

Corinne

How does newsletter writing compare to book writing, compare to magazine writing? And which do you prefer?

Virginia

I love this question. I have to say writing the newsletter is probably my favorite job I’ve ever had. It is for sure better than magazine writing. Watch me block myself out of any future magazine work!

When I say magazines, there’s only like three magazines left in the world, so I’m really talking about magazines and websites. Any sort of prestige media outlets, I guess we could say. The big difference is when you write for other people like that, the pro is you have an editor and a fact checker and a copy editor and an art person and a whole team, in most places, going over the piece making it really perfect. There’s a lot of added support that I have had to, with the newsletter, figure out which parts I need to replicate and how to replicate. And Corinne, you are doing it—so, thank you. There were also times when I wrote pieces that were really controversial and it was nice that the publishing house had a lawyer who would vet it and make sure we wouldn’t get sued. 

But when you’re writing for another outlet, you have to fit your work into their vision. If you want to write about fatphobia, that’s hard because a lot of these media outlets either haven’t heard of it or are perpetuating it daily in their health coverage. It’s such a relief to not have to make those have those negotiations and make those compromises. I don’t miss that at all. 

I will also say from a work/life balance perspective, it’s so much better, because when you are freelancing for many different outlets, the odds of somebody emailing you the night you go on vacation to say they need a complete revise of a 3,000 word story—Oh my God, it probably happened to us at least 50% of vacations, if not more? I have friends who are just always working on vacation. They bring the laptop, they know that an editor is going to need something. So the fact that I can now carve out that time for myself and do a rerun episode that week—that control has been amazing. Newsletter subscribers don’t seem to get mad if we skip a week. So that’s been really lovely!

Book writing I do also really love, although I am at the point with this book where I’m ready to be done writing it because I have written over 80,000 words. It’s a lot of words, and I’m tired. But I do really love it. The thing about book writing is you’re kind of alone, right? You’re in this little world writing the book. You don’t get a lot of feedback. So you do sort of worry at times, I’m thousands of words into this thing. And if it’s bad, no one’s checking on it right now. And with newsletters, we’re getting feedback from readers every week. So that part of it also I do love. That’s been a nice balance because I have days where I’m in book mode, really feeling really detached from the world and then I get to come back to the newsletter and this conversation is happening and I’m participating in it.

They are three very different mediums for sure. I’m sure I will write for magazines again. So, magazine editors, don’t take it too personally that I don’t like it. 

Now, can we have one question that came in for Corinne! So I’m throwing it over to you now.

What is @selfiefay’s favorite thing to cook for company? And how does she rule so hard?

@selfiefay is Corinne’s personal Instagram handle. Corinne, tell us, what do you cook? And why do you rule so hard?

Corinne

The best, most recent thing I’ve made for company—which, such a funny question, because who’s having company right now? I’ve had company not very often recently, which is sad. But the thing I’ve made that was great most recently was this “a nice lasagna” from Julia Turshen’s cookbook, Small Victories.

It is special because you make your own pasta, which is both easier and more delicious than I was expecting. You also use a food processor, so it’s a little bit less messy. And you mix creme fraiche into the tomato sauce instead of using ricotta or making béchamel. It was very delicious and sort of impressive.

Virginia

You made your own pasta. That’s very impressive!

Corinne

Yeah, I would definitely recommend that recipe and that cookbook and Julia Turshen in general.

Virginia

Yes! General recommendation of Julia Turshen. She is amazing. The lasagna sounds awesome.

Corinne

Do you have a favorite thing to cook for a company?

Virginia

I was actually just thinking about this because we have not had friends over for dinner. We have not had a dinner party since COVID and I really do want to have one soon. But I was paralyzed trying to remember what to make. I often do a pasta because I make really good pasta, but I have a couple friends who are gluten-free by necessity, so then it’s figuring that piece out. I need some dinner party inspiration, for sure, so I will check out Julia’s cookbook. That’s a great suggestion.

Corinne

If you could do any job in the world, including the one you invent, what would it be?

Virginia

I mean, I think I’ve invented it, to be honest. I do not and have never, for the last 20 years, had a job that is easy to explain to people at parties. My grandmother was always like, what does she do? Now when I’m like, “Well, I used to write a column for the times and now I have this Substack,” people are like, “What?” So yeah, I did invent it. 

That said, if I couldn’t be a writer, for some reason, you know, like writing didn’t exist, I think my other dream job would be garden designer. Not a landscaper, but I would come out and putter around and prune things and plant things for people. The design piece of it I really love.

What would yours be?

Corinne

This is a tough question. When I think of my dream job, I think I want to be somewhere really beautiful and not have to work a lot. Making jam in the countryside or something. I’d make tiny batches of jam and sell them for a lot of money. 

Virginia

That sounds delightful. I would buy your overpriced jam.

Corinne

I also really need a garden designer.

Virginia

Well, we can trade services. I’ll design the garden where you grow the fruit for your jam.

Corinne

Oh, perfect. I’m loving this future. 

Okay, what are your goals for the podcast for your writing? And for your advocacy? What is next for you?

Virginia

So, I will say, I am finishing a book. So it is hard. Every writer hates when people ask what your next book is going to be about. I’m like, “There are no other books. I’m just trying to finish this one book. All the words go to this book.” So, I don’t know is one answer. 

But certainly finishing this book, getting it out into the world. It’ll be out next spring, 2023 some time. So that will be the big focus of my work in the next year and a half because launching a book and promoting a book is a full time job for at least three months and often longer.

In terms of the goals for the podcast, I just want to keep bringing on more people we need to hear from in this space, more diversity of voices. I think it’s really important that my platform be available to folks who need this platform. And similarly, I do have a goal for the newsletter of bringing on other writers. I’m not quite ready to launch that because I want to make sure we’re in a place where I can pay really well. Because I have been underpaid as a writer in the past and I know how shitty it is and I will not do it. So, that is something we are working towards being able to do. 

In terms of advocacy issues, I really want to tackle the issue of kids plus size clothing. That is one that’s burning a hole in my brain right now. Always open to feedback and thoughts from folks! You all are in this community with us and have a sense of what work we need to be doing. So tell us!

Butter For Your Burnt Toast

Corinne

As true fans may remember, I live in New Mexico. And it is sadly already getting very hot. So my butter recommendation this week is for sun protection. I’m really hoping this recommendation inspires a lot of people because I really want to feel less weird walking around my neighborhood wearing a solar face shield, which I just purchased.

Virginia

I don’t even know… I’m googling it. What is a solar face shield?

Corinne

I don’t even know if that’s really what it’s called. But it’s basically sunglass material that covers your whole face.

Virginia

Oh my gosh. Yeah, it looks like when people were wearing the shields during COVID?

Corinne

Yeah, it looks like a COVID shield, but it’s sunglasses. Like, tinted. 

Virginia

You are committed to your sun protection.

Corinne

Yeah. I just bought that and I do feel self conscious wearing it around the neighborhood. I’ve worn it driving. It’s great for driving. And then I also got one of those fold up-able Baggu hats that everyone had last summer. And I got some prescription sunglasses. 

Virginia

Wait, so do you need the sunglasses and the face shield?

Corinne

Well, I’ve had these just like really ugly over-glasses sunglasses. They look terrible. Like, not even in a cool way. They’re always really dirty and they get scratched super easily and they feel too expensive for what they are. So I was like, Well, if I get the sunshield, I can just wear that over my glasses and it covers your whole face. I mean, it seems like a great product. Aside from making you look like a space alien.

Virginia

Also, let’s deal with the fact that in the first Google image search result, it’s a woman in a bikini top and the face shield. I feel like these things are at odds with one another. If you  were so concerned about sun exposure that you’re wearing the face shield, why are you not also in a rash guard?

Corinne

My request to listeners is, can we make this cool?

Virginia

Can we embrace the face shield?

Corinne

Are you gonna get one, Virginia?

Virginia

Well, I’m wondering about how it would be for gardening? Where I live, bugs are a big problem, like we have a few weeks of gnats. And then we have a few weeks of mosquitoes. Would it help keep bugs from flying in my face while I’m gardening?

I think of myself as someone who take sun protection seriously. There is skin cancer in my family. We are a very white, pasty people. But I have settled apparently for decent prescription sunglasses and a strong sunscreen and you’re making me realize I could take that further. Do I have to buy the $68 face shield from Nordstrom? Or can I buy the $15 one?

Corinne

I will say I bought these $68 one from Nordstrom. I don’t know. It also very tight on my head. So I would be interested in maybe checking out some other models. It’s adjustable, but maybe I just need to break it in. It’s tight. 

Virginia

Like shoes. 

Corinne

When I take it off I have like a little imprint on my forehead, just making it even cooler.

Virginia

I mean, I have I do own a bug net that I wear during these peaks. So yes, I could see it also being helpful for like holding the bug net because a breeze comes in and it’s like smushed up against your face in an annoying way.

This is an amazing recommendation. This might be the best recommendation we’ve ever had. I’m very excited.

I’m recommending an app for your house plants called Planta. I have been using it for a few months. I didn’t want to recommend it right away in case I didn’t like it. But I learned about it when Anne Helen Peterson did her houseplant series, which I also recommend. It’s a great read on the history of houseplants and someone in the comments said they were using this app. 

If you are a person who regularly kills your houseplants or you are a person like me with an excessive number of houseplants that are hard to keep track of this, it is worth it. You do have to spend some time upfront. You have to take pictures of all your plants and put them in the app and get them all organized. I spent a whole Saturday on that and it was a very satisfying project to catalog my plants. Then it gives you reminders of when you need to water them and fertilize them. Some plants like a lot of fertilizer and some plants, you really can kill them if you over fertilize. So the Planta app is helping me keep track. It does make me feel a little guilty because sometimes they want me to be doing more. It thinks I should be misting and I don’t really believe in misting house plants. So, sometimes I have to ignore the notifications. But yeah, if you’re trying to keep houseplants alive, it’s a good one. I recommend it. 

Well, this was very fun! Thanks for being here to help me, Corinne. Remind everyone where they can find you and follow your work?

Corinne

Mainly you can find me on Instagram at @selltradeplus, which is an Instagram where people buy and resell plus size clothes. My personal Instagram is @selfiefay.

Thanks so much for listening to Burnt Toast! If you’d like to support the show, please subscribe for free in your podcast player and tell a friend about this episode.

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The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by me, Virginia Sole-Smith. You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter.

Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.

The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.

Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.

Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.

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