When Kids Say Shocking or Rude Things – What’s a Parent To Do?
Sep 22, 2020
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A parent grapples with his child's alarming comments about Black individuals, feeling helpless and compelled to respond. The discussion reveals the importance of nurturing open dialogue to address developmental behaviors. Strategies for enriching playtime with educational toys are explored, underscoring the value of audiobooks in sparking imagination. The conversation balances addressing sensitive topics with fostering respect and understanding, guiding parents through complex emotional landscapes.
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Quick takeaways
Children's shocking statements about race often stem from curiosity, necessitating open dialogue to foster understanding rather than judgment.
Encouraging relationships with diverse peers helps dismantle biases, promoting empathy and inclusivity in children's social interactions.
Deep dives
Understanding Children’s Exploration of Social Bias
Children often express beliefs or feelings that can be surprising or concerning to their parents, particularly regarding race. This exploration is not rooted in malice but is a way for them to understand the world around them and the dynamics of power and societal views. For example, a child might state fear or dislike towards a racial group as a means of probing their parents’ reactions, showcasing their innate curiosity and desire to process social norms. Recognizing that such statements stem from a child's insightful nature rather than an inherent bias is crucial for constructive dialogues about race and identity.
The Importance of Curiosity in Parental Responses
When a child expresses controversial sentiments, it is essential for parents to respond with curiosity rather than judgment or fear. Engaging in conversations that invite the child to elaborate on their thoughts helps create a safe space for open discussion about feelings and social perceptions. This approach allows parents to guide children in understanding their emotions while affirming that their feelings are valid, even if the parents disagree with them. By remaining open and inquisitive, parents can foster an environment where children feel secure in sharing their thoughts without fear of repercussions.
Creating Inclusive Social Experiences
Encouraging children to build relationships with peers from diverse backgrounds can significantly disrupt ingrained biases. Parents should aim to provide their children with opportunities to interact with individuals from various racial and cultural groups, even if it requires innovative solutions, such as virtual playdates or community programs. These interactions can help children dismantle preconceived notions and foster empathy and understanding. By intentionally reinforcing positive experiences with diversity, parents can effectively guide their children towards embracing inclusivity.
A parent is distressed that his son says he doesn’t like, or is afraid of Black people, a sentiment that is abhorrent to him. "Worst of all," the dad writes, "he will say this when he sees Black neighbors." The dad realizes that his strong reactions may be making matters worse, but his son's statements are striking a particularly sensitive nerve. "If this were literally anything else I would just minimize my responses to it and acknowledge the feeling.” This parent feels at a loss and is hoping Janet has a solution. "This is absolutely the biggest parenting challenge I have faced."
For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ.
Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble and Apple Books.
Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com).
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