Susan Piver, a practicing Buddhist and New York Times bestselling author, shares counterintuitive advice for strengthening relationships. She emphasizes the importance of discussing challenging topics like religion and politics to build connection. Piver explains how hard questions can help navigate the complexities of love, illustrating the differences between fleeting affairs and lasting partnerships. With insights from her updated book, she advocates for vulnerability, active listening, and self-awareness as keys to fostering intimacy and understanding in relationships.
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insights INSIGHT
Love vs. Relationship
Being in love is sufficient for a love affair, but not for a long-term relationship.
A successful relationship requires creating a life together that both partners enjoy.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Book Origins
Susan Piver's book, "The Hard Questions," originated from her own pre-marital anxieties.
She created it to address the lack of practical relationship advice beyond wedding planning.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Using the Book
When using "The Hard Questions," start with a few questions and discuss them in a defined setting.
Avoid marathon sessions and respect individual tolerances for difficult conversations.
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The Hard Questions offers a comprehensive guide for couples at any stage of their relationship, focusing on key areas such as home, money, work, community, and family. The book helps couples forge lasting bonds by encouraging open and honest conversations about their future together. It is suitable for those considering engagement, married couples, or anyone seeking to strengthen their relationship.
How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life
Susan Piver
The Four Noble Truths
Jesh Tashi-Shering
The wisdom of a broken heart
Susan Piver
In 'The Wisdom of a Broken Heart', Susan Piver offers a compassionate and practical guide for navigating the pain of a breakup. She reveals that heartbreak can be a transformative experience, allowing individuals to emerge stronger, softer, and more capable of loving deeply. The book includes anecdotes, insights, practices, and meditations to help readers cope with heartbreak and find lasting love.
Today we have some counterintuitive relationship advice. If you’re in a tough spot with your loved one, why would you want to have a deep chat about religion, politics, work, or your eating habits? Wouldn’t that just make everything worse? My guest today says asking these hard questions is exactly what you should do. Susan Piver is a fan favorite in TPH-world. She has been a practicing Buddhist for more than a quarter-century. She’s a graduate of a Buddhist seminary, founder of The Open Heart Project, and a New York Times bestselling author of many books, including How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. This month, she’s releasing a revised and expanded edition of her blockbuster book, The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do.” This book started out as a relationship tool for recently engaged couples, but it’s taken on a much broader life. You can use it if your long-term relationship has hit a snag, if you’ve recently broken up with someone and want to understand why, or if you’re single and just want to know yourself better. The book originally came out 20 years ago, but a lot has changed since then, so Susan has gone through and done a big rewrite. In this conversation, we talk about: why hard questions are so key to building or rebuilding the foundation for a healthy relationship; the difference between love affairs and long-term relationships (and how failing to see the difference can tank your relationship); why breakups are rarely caused by lack of love, but instead by something else; and Susan will explore, from a Buddhist perspective, what happens when the boundaries between you and another person begin to dissolve – and what to watch out for when this happens. Also, there’s (just barely!) still time to join us in our free Taming Anxiety Challenge. This ten-day meditation challenge will teach you how to understand your anxiety and give you practical tools for coping with the difficult thoughts and emotions that arise when you are anxious. And it’s also a great way to kickstart your meditation practice. You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Be sure to sign up by June 24! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/susan-piver-359
10% Happier with Dan Harris 
