On today’s episode, Dave and Liz are joined by Clay and Sonja Arnold, relational
coaches and communication experts, to discuss safe conversations - what they are and how couples can use them to decrease negativity and foster more connection in their relationships.
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sonja & Clay Arnold?
2:23 – What exactly is a safe conversation & how did it get started?
4:56 – Sentence Stems - phrases used to keep us from triggering negative responses
6:09 – “Is there more about that?”
8:28 – Make an appointment to talk with your partner first; ask “is now a good time to talk
about [blank]”
11:03 – Why is effectively listening to our partner so difficult to do?
14:04 – Couples should strive for zero negativity in their conversations
16:25 – Owning your mistakes & making repairs quickly
19:05 – Address the negativity in your relationship; don’t ignore it because it’ll just stack up
22:33 – Imago Therapy - what it is & how it affects who we choose to marry
24:56 – If our spouse grows, we grow
26:48 – Conflict is growth waiting to happen
29:01 – Don’t ever stop having fun with your partner
31:37 – Empathy is about trying to connect with your partner & find out what they’re feeling
33:26 – Always be willing to learn
35:15 – Sonja’s takeaway: Don’t feel like you're lacking because of your struggles. Don’t struggle
by yourself. Reach out. Don’t go it alone.
35:39 – Clay’s takeaway: Be willing to learn and grow individually and in your relationship36:10 – Liz’s takeaway: Ask your partner if it’s a good time to talk about something and then
start with a compliment
36:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Own your bad - your behavior, your attitude, and your drama
About Sonja & Clay Arnold:
Relational coaches for 22 years, Sonja and Clay have worked with individuals, families and couples around the world. Theirs is an integrative, neuroscience-based approach for life planning and inter-personal growth for relationships of all kinds. They offer workshops and consultations with clients including business and religious leaders, coaches and therapists, medical professionals and more - the strategy being that by providing skills to one person, a ripple effect will occur as people practice the skills in their work lives, congregations, families and communities. Sonja and Clay have been married for 43 years and have 4 grown children and 5 grandkids. They live with their grand dogs in Arlington, Texas.
Certifications include: Safe Conversations® Senior Trainers, Life Coaching Institute Senior Trainers, Tony Robbins Mastery University graduates, Amen Clinics Brain Health and the Well Life Coaching Certification. Sonja graduated with a degree in Education/Deaf Education and Clay in Communications/Pastoral Counseling.
Insights:
Sonja: Conflict is growth waiting to happen.
Clay: We have to feel safe enough to connect in order to really communicate.
Dave: You don't necessarily avoid conflict but you bring things up and handle them in
compassionate ways.
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Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
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