Destructive Behavior - Why It Happens And What We Can Do
Oct 2, 2018
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Exploring the distress of a parent whose child scratched their husband's car, emphasizing the importance of addressing misbehavior with empathy. Discussing the complexity of validating children's emotions and the significance of understanding and responding to destructive behavior with empathy and connection.
14:56
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Quick takeaways
Children's destructive behavior can stem from unmet emotional needs and a call for help from parents.
Parental reflection, understanding, and compassion are key in addressing challenging behavior and fostering a strong parent-child bond.
Parents often seek guidance in situations where their child's behavior has caused frustration or anger. When a child exhibits intentional or disruptive behavior, it may indicate deeper feelings of discomfort and disconnection within the family. Such behavior serves as a call for help, signaling a need for understanding and acceptance from parents. Janet Lansbury emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating a child's emotions, even when their actions seem unreasonable or intentional. By fostering a nurturing and empathetic environment, parents can strengthen the bond with their child and address underlying emotional needs.
Building Connection Through Understanding Child Behavior
During critical moments of misbehavior, parents are encouraged to reflect on the dynamics of their relationship with their child. Janet Lansbury highlights the significance of reconnecting with the child through compassion and forgiveness, viewing disruptive behavior as a symptom of unmet emotional needs. By emphasizing acceptance and support over punishment, parents can cultivate a sense of security and openness for the child to express their vulnerabilities. Understanding the root causes of challenging behavior fosters a nurturing environment where children feel seen, accepted, and valued.
Promoting Parental Empathy and Resilience
In times of heightened emotions and challenging interactions with children, Janet Lansbury advocates for parental self-reflection and emotional resilience. By approaching conflicts with a forgiving heart and recognizing their own imperfections, parents can model empathetic responses and foster a sense of unconditional support for their child. Understanding that children may act out due to underlying fears and insecurities, parents are encouraged to prioritize reconnecting with their child through understanding, empathy, and a non-judgmental attitude. Building resilient parent-child relationships requires recognizing and addressing emotional needs with compassion and patience.
A parent writes that her 5-year-old scratched up her husband’s car with a rock, and the damage will cost thousands of dollars to repair. She and her husband are furious, of course, but they haven’t spoken to their son about the incident yet, and she’s wondering the best way to approach it. “We are both so mad,” she writes, “we don’t know what to do.”
For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on audio at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ).
Her exclusive audio series "Sessions" is also available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (SessionsAudio.com).
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