53 Why Family of Origin Triangulation Is Such A Big Deal
Dec 2, 2019
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The podcast delves into the damaging effects of family triangulation, where a child becomes the 'special' one in the parent-child relationship. It explores how this dynamic leads to envy and emotional turmoil within the family. The speaker reflects on personal experiences of navigating complex family dynamics and the lasting impact it has on relationships. The importance of setting boundaries and conscious choices for healing and growth is also discussed.
Triangulation in families can have devastating effects on children's emotional well-being.
Sharing personal stories publicly comes with risks and requires honoring others' experiences.
Supportive relationships play a crucial role in processing past traumas and fostering healing.
Deep dives
Exploring The Way We Interact With Others' Stories
The podcast delves into the concept of sharing personal stories and the responsibility that comes with it. When Patria shares her middle school story, listeners are encouraged to reflect on how they honor and receive others' stories. It highlights the risks involved in sharing personal experiences publicly and emphasizes the importance of holding stories with sacredness and gratitude.
Discovering Personal Journey Through Story Engagement
Patria recounts her realization of having a significant past story in 2007-2008, triggered by a mystical experience. This event led her to acknowledge a memory of sexual abuse, previously undisclosed to her. The podcast discusses her journey of engaging with this newfound story, navigating fears of accusation and societal perceptions of such experiences.
Role of Relationships in Healing and Understanding
The podcast highlights the pivotal role of relationships in Patria's story engagement process. A prayer counselor's unwavering support and attentive listening provided a safe space for Patria to process her experiences. This relationship fostered a sense of courage, containment, and reduced feelings of craziness and neediness, offering a contrasting experience to past perceptions.
Navigating Family Dynamics and Emotional Responsibilities
The episode delves into family dynamics, unveiling the complexity of Patria's role within her family. It reveals her relational dynamics with her father and mother, shedding light on the conflicting feelings of pride, specialness, shame, and fragmented boundaries. The narrative portrays the emotional struggles, power imbalances, and the internalized responsibilities within familial relationships.
Reframing Experiences and Embracing Vulnerability
Through exploring her past story, Patria undergoes a self-reflective journey, reframing her experiences and relationships. She acknowledges the deep impact of childhood roles and emotional responsibilities, leading to a newfound tenderness towards her younger self. The podcast highlights her growth in setting boundaries, making deliberate choices in story engagement, and embracing vulnerability to foster healing and personal evolution.
Triangulation occurs when Mom or Dad becomes emotionally closer to one of the children than to their spouse. Patria and I discuss the fallout of triangulation in the life of the family and the life of the "special" child. The triangulated daughter often becomes hyper-attuned to Dad, and is setup to be envied by Mom and her (unchosen) siblings. It’s a devastating dynamic that does immense damage to the heart of the triangulated child.