Episode 239: My Best Friend Doesn’t Like My Boyfriend, Any Advice? (Friendship Q&A)
Sep 29, 2023
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Handling toxic friendships, making friends when older, sustaining long distance friendships, annoy habits, past relationships, Pampers diapers, fitness routine, photography hobby, planning trips, exploring mindfulness practices, dynamics of friendship
46:49
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Quick takeaways
Recognize signs of toxicity and prioritize your mental and emotional health in friendships.
Address annoying behaviors in friendships through non-confrontational communication and empathy.
Understand that drift is normal in friendships and take the initiative to reconnect.
Respect privacy and boundaries when supporting a friend going through a divorce.
Manage tension when a friend doesn't like your partner by encouraging open communication and respecting boundaries.
Deep dives
Maintaining Toxic Friendships
Toxic friendships can be challenging to navigate. It's important to recognize the signs of toxicity and evaluate the impact it has on your well-being. If you find yourself in a toxic friendship, it may be best to distance yourself from the person and let the friendship naturally fizzle out. If the toxic behavior persists or you feel comfortable doing so, you can address the issue directly with your friend and express how their actions or words have affected you. Ultimately, prioritize your mental and emotional health and surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
Dealing with Annoying Friend Behaviors
If you have a friend who exhibits annoying behaviors, it's important to assess the impact it has on your friendship. If the behavior is not harmful and doesn't affect others, you may choose to let it go and accept it as part of their personality. However, if the behavior is affecting your relationship or causing discomfort, you can communicate your feelings to your friend in a non-confrontational manner. It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, focusing on how the behavior makes you feel rather than criticizing your friend. Find a balance between expressing your concerns and being open to their perspective.
Navigating Drifting Friendships
Friendships naturally go through periods of ebb and flow, especially as people enter different life stages. If you feel that a close friendship is drifting, it's important to first understand that some level of drift is normal and doesn't necessarily mean the friendship is over. However, if you value the friendship and want to reconnect, take the initiative to reach out and suggest spending time together. Make an effort to plan activities or outings that you both enjoy and prioritize regular communication. Remember that maintaining friendships requires effort from both parties, so be open to finding a balance that works for both of you.
Dealing with Divorce and Friendships
When a friend goes through a divorce, it can be challenging to know how to support them. It's important to respect their privacy and not assume that they want to discuss the details of the divorce. If you are close to both parties and one has confided in you about the divorce while the other hasn't, it is generally best to respect their decision to keep it private. If you want to offer support, reach out to the friend who confided in you and let them know that you are there for them if they need to talk or need assistance. Avoid taking sides and be mindful of their boundaries during this difficult time.
Navigating Friendships with Disliked Partners
Having a friend who doesn't like your partner can create tension within your relationships. It's important to address the issue openly and honestly with both your friend and your partner. Encourage open communication between them to understand any underlying reasons or misunderstandings. However, remember that not everyone has to be best friends and it's okay if they don't get along. Try to find a balance by maintaining separate relationships with each of them without forcing them to interact if it causes discomfort. Focus on cultivating strong connections individually and respecting each other's boundaries.
Making Friends As You Get Older
Making friends as you get older can be challenging, but it's not impossible. Start by tapping into your existing networks, such as reconnecting with old classmates or colleagues. Consider joining groups or organizations centered around your interests or hobbies to meet like-minded individuals. Be open to new experiences and put yourself out there by attending social events or trying new activities. Building new friendships requires time and effort, so be patient and persistent in reaching out, initiating plans, and investing in cultivating meaningful connections.
Maintaining Long-Distance Friendships
Maintaining long-distance friendships can be challenging but rewarding. Utilize technology to stay connected, such as regular phone or video calls, text messaging, or participating in online activities together. Create shared experiences by planning visits or trips to see each other, and make an effort to stay updated on each other's lives by sharing important moments and details. Group chats can also help facilitate ongoing communication and maintain a sense of connection. Prioritize communication, understanding, and empathy to nurture and sustain long-distance friendships.
Stepping Away from Always Initiating in Friendships
Feeling like you're always the one initiating in friendships can be disheartening. To address this, try to step back and see if the other person takes the initiative to reach out. However, if they don't, communicate your feelings with them and express your desire for a balanced effort in maintaining the friendship. Encourage them to take the lead in planning activities or initiating conversations. By setting boundaries and communicating your needs, you can create a more equitable and fulfilling friendship.
What Makes Platonic Friendships Special?
Platonic friendships are unique and special in their own way. They often offer a sense of unconditional support, understanding, and companionship without the added complexities of romantic relationships. Friendships can provide a safe space for vulnerability, shared experiences, and personal growth. They can be a source of laughter, joy, and healing, and offer a different kind of intimacy based on deep emotional connections. Friendships often endure over time, and the bond created can withstand various life changes. Overall, platonic friendships are cherished for their loyalty, acceptance, and unwavering support.
Friendships, just like romantic relationships, can sometimes be difficult to navigate, particularly as you move through different stages of life. As you graduate from college, get married, start a family, etc., friendships will often grow and change as you do. We asked you to send in questions: how to make new friends, how to maintain old friendships (or even leave toxic ones), and how platonic relationships can be as equally meaningful as romantic ones.
