The Burnt Toast Podcast [PREVIEW] Fat People Don't Need Fat Hammers
You’re listening to Burnt Toast!
Virginia
This is the podcast about diet culture, anti-fat bias parenting and health. I’m Virginia Sole-Smith.
Corinne
And I’m Corinne Fay, I work on Burnt Toast and run @selltradeplus an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus sized clothing.
Virginia
And we are here with your December Indulgence Gospel.
We have so many good questions this month. We’re going to get into holiday diet culture. We’re also getting into fat travel, which is a really complicated one. And of course, we’ll have your fat fashion recs.
This is also a paywalled episode. That means to hear the whole thing you’ll need to be a paid Burnt Toast subscriber. This week, subscriptions are on sale for just $4 per month or $40 for the year. Or you can join Extra Butter for just $10 per month. You’ll a monthly live Ask Me Anything chat and even more Indulgence Gospel.
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Corinne
Well, we are not going to talk about the weather, we are going to talk about pants. However, I also really want to talk about your sweater.
Virginia
Well, my sweater is very related to my pants, so I’m glad you brought that up.
Corinne
I just want to say, it’s a very beautiful color. It’s like a vibrant pink and it matches the painting behind you.
Virginia
We’ll have to put a shot in the show notes of my Zoom background, which is this lovely painting by my mom’s good friend, Nancy Rutter. It is pinks and oranges. And I don’t deliberately dress to match it every day, but I’m not going to say it doesn’t happen a lot. And this week, it’s happening every day because I have worn this sweater every day, maybe for almost two weeks at this point. I’m really into it.
It’s the Vince Camuto sweater from Nordstrom that I have in about four colors. So here’s what I will say about it. I was very annoyed to realize that the straight sizes come in more colors than the plus sizes. Why? But this is the XXL and it is roomier than the 1X. So it’s in the straight-size listing, but fits more like a 2X. So for folks who are in that range, consider. I bought the 1X and I bought the XXL and I was like, wait, XXL is bigger. Who knows why! But it’s a delightful Barbie pink color and it makes me really happy.
Corinne
It’s really beautiful.
Virginia
And so I’m wearing it with my new pants that I’m obsessed with, which are these joggers from Beyond Yoga. Corinne. They’re changing my life. Haven’t worn other pants in weeks. I don’t know if I’m ever going back.
influenced me and I was skeptical but their plus options are pretty decent.
Corinne
I have the Beyond Yoga leggings and I wear them to the gym. They’re really soft, buttery soft.
Virginia
So I have the turquoise, which is under “seasonal colors.” And then in the Black Friday sale, I got the black and the navy as well. And now I’m just rotating between these sweaters and these joggers.
Corinne
I might get some of these. They look like really nice soft pants.
Virginia
And you know how we’ve talked about how, sometimes with pants, the legs stay wide, because ankles don’t get fat at the same rate as butts, as you’re famous for saying. These are cut in the right way, so that there is the taper.
Corinne
My question is, how is the like waistband? Do they stay up? I mean, it looks like they don’t have elastic, right?
Virginia
They’re really high. And they are stretchy. It’s a good waistband. Doesn’t dig. As always, everyone’s mileage may vary. We’re going to hear from a whole bunch of people who don’t have my body, who are going to be like, those are the worst joggers in the world. But If you are a round midsection person and you don’t like waistbands, they’re good.
Corinne
Okay, well, I’m getting really into overalls. In our gift guide, I recommended the Alder Apparel overalls, which I’m now wearing. And I’m mostly happy with them. I have one complaint, which is that they have a hammer loop, which is cool. Always wanted pants with a hammer loop, despite using a hammer maybe once a year.
Virginia
But you just walk around with a hammer uselessly all the time, like, where do I put this?
Corinne
Yeah. But the it’s one of those things where they scaled it up and it got weird.
Virginia
Wait, they scaled up the hammer loop? Oh! They totally did.
Corinne
It’s so big. Like, a dog could fit in there. It’s just like, they did a weird job.
Virginia
Fat people don’t use fatter hammers.
Corinne
I know. So the overalls themselves are really cute, but I’m trying to decide if I’m going to cut it off or try to sew it down.
Virginia
I was going to say I would want to cut that off. That would drive me nuts. Because it’s going to get caught on stuff!
Corinne
Yes. And it just looks like you’re wearing a wallet chain from your back pocket to your side leg. It’s just really bizarre.
Virginia
I mean, if you had a lot of carabiners? You could fit a lot of carabiners on there. Many sets of keys.
Corinne
I feel like they tried to make something utilitarian. And now it’s not utilitarian.
Virginia
I mean, you for sure cannot use that for a hammer. It’s way too large. Like a water bottle with a clip, maybe? And everyone wants that attached to their leg?
Corinne
Yeah, but otherwise, they’re very cute and comfortable so I’m trying to embrace them despite the weird hammer loop.
If people have other overall recommendations, I’d be curious to hear them. So far I have ones from Madewell, Old Navy, and these Alder Apparel ones.
Virginia
I have had good luck with Target overalls in the past. I had their short-alls the summer and I loved them.
Well that was some good pants talk. This is our last episode of 2023, we should also just briefly say, which is exciting. It has been a really good year of Indulgence Gospeling. And we know that for a lot of us, we’re in the thick of winter holidays, so let’s do some holiday questions.
Corinne
What advice can you offer for being an anti-diet model for other people’s children in our lives?I’ve got nieces and nephews whose parents fall into just about every diet culture trap—restricting treats as punishment, withholding dessert if kids don’t eat to their satisfaction, categorizing foods as healthy or not, requiring protein on a plate, etc. How can I tell the parents I won’t participate in any use of food as punishment? And how can I be a positive anti-diet role model for kids without explicitly undermining their parents?
Virginia
I think a lot depends on how much time you spend with these kids and their parents. Are you a relative who comes in once a year for the holidays? In which case, you really can’t get a lot done. You’re only seeing them on these very specific occasions. You coming in with a lot of different opinions is just not going to be welcome at a high stress time. Or are you someone who lives nearby and you’re seeing them weekly or once a month, so you’re a regular presence in their lives? I think in that case, you could do more.
I don’t know that it will be effective to say, “I will not participate in your use of food as punishment.” Right off the bat, that seems like we’re setting up a very combative dynamic. They’re going to be defensive and feel judged. I think, instead, you have to go for more of a subtle chaos gremlin approach, where there are just different rules at your house. When the kids come to your house, they know that that’s a free food zone and that they don’t have to worry about that. You may still get some pushback from the parents, but I think it’s important for parents to understand that kids go into other food environments and not everybody who feeds your child is going to do it exactly the way you want it done. That’s true for those of us who are feeding from an anti-diet perspective too, right? We have to be okay with the fact that our kids are going to eat with relatives, who are diet-y and trust that what we’re doing at home is going to offset that.
Kids can be excited to come to your house and have that safe space. You can be the aunt who gives them all the sugar and that’s great. What are your thoughts?
Corinne
My first thought was, can you give them a copy of Fat Talk for Christmas?
Virginia
Good starting point.
Corinne
But I was also going to say, I mean, I think just letting yourself eat whatever and modeling that kind of good behavior is helpful.
I was also wondering about having a conversation with the parents—I guess this is what I would do or what I would probably try to do. I would be like, “Man, it was so interesting having a meal with you and the kids. It was making me think so much about how dinner was in my house growing up and how traumatized I was by being punished with food or required to eat XYZ thing. And like, I don’t know, just curious what you think about that.”
Virginia
I mean, especially if this is your sibling, so you grew up in the same food house. Maybe you can even say like, “oh, seeing so-and-so not want to finish their broccoli was reminding me how much we hated when Mom made us finish the broccoli to get the cookies. That’s actually something I’ve had to do a lot of work on as an adult to let go of.” Maybe try being a little vulnerable and sharing your experiences and maybe even doing that without connecting it to what you’re observing with their kids. Finding an unrelated way to bring that up and share that.
Because the other thing I’ll say is: Obviously, I don’t love what I’m hearing, right? Withholding dessert, categorizing foods—all of this is tough. And it is probably making feeding their kids tougher than it needs to be. But if you yourself are not a parent, you are not in the trenches of the nightmare that is daily feeding children. So have some empathy for the fact that they are doing these things because this is really hard. This is what they think is best. They’re not doing this to be mean or overly controlling. They’re having a hard time.
Maybe you can create some space for them to talk about what they’re up against. It is really hard to feed a picky kid and it is really hard to feel like, “I don’t remember the last time they protein and we’re going to the doctor for a checkup and what if they get on my case about that?”
Corinne
This is an experience I have a lot because I’m not a parent and I have a lot of friends who have kids. The situation where you’re eating with them, and you’re just like, oh, this is terrible. But I also am so aware of how overtired and stressed and…
Virginia
I see what a shell of yourself you are now.
Corinne
Yeah, basically. If I had to deal with that on my most tired, grumpy day, I would probably just be like, “eat the fucking broccoli!!!” too.
Virginia
It’s a rough gig. And it doesn’t mean that what they’re doing is okay. I think you’ll get further planting some seeds if you lead with empathy for how hard it is. “Oh, looks like you’re having a really hard time with dinner right now. How are you feeling about this?” And just giving them space to vent.
Corinne
Yeah, I think lead with your personal experience, too. Rather than being like, “I’m judging what you’re doing,” just being like, this is something that I’ve experienced or has affected me.
Virginia
And as they get older, it may really help these kids to have an adult in their life who takes a different approach.
Alright, I’m gonna read the next one.
Can we talk about family and friends who want to give clothing as gifts? When our kids were babies, it was the main gift they received from family. They’re three and four now and they don’t wear the standard size for their age. Plus, they’re exploring their own style.
Just pausing to say I love a three year old who is exploring their own style.
Any tips for suggesting non-clothing gifts without upsetting grandma? Same question for me. Honestly, I don’t think I can graciously accept another sweater that doesn’t fit and isn’t my style.
What are your thoughts? Does anyone in your life try to give you clothes?
Corinne
My mom has occasionally. This is another one where I feel like it really depends on your relationship with the gift giver. Part of me is like, “Can you just return it and use the credit? Do you have a friend who’s in the size of the thing you’re being gifted?” Also, it might be too late for this year! Like, my mom is probably already done Christmas shopping. So if I were going to be now like, “Don’t get me a sweater,” and she’d already bought it…
Virginia
That would be bad.
I went to donate or pass it on first as well, because I’m sorry, but at three and four, as much as they’re into their own style—respect— they are going to get enough other presents that this present not being a big hit is fine. They don’t need to love every gift they open. It’s good for kids to have the experience of receiving a gift that’s not quite what they wanted. We all have to learn that awkward dance.
And, it may self-correct now that they’re old enough to be more verbal and possibly not have the best response, too. That may be the cue Grandma needs so that next year she’ll say, “What are the kids into? Give me some ideas for gifts.”
Corinne
It’s one of those situations where you have to weigh whether the confrontation of being like, “We don’t want any more sweaters,” is worth it. Would you rather smooth over the relationship and deal with donating the stuff? Or would you rather actually say something?
Virginia
I am a big believer in, if someone is going to the effort to give you a gift, that’s such a generous and loving thing to do. A solution we’ve had in my family is we don’t really give adult gifts anymore. People pretty much only buy for the kids just because it was stressful. I can’t think of the perfect gift for every adult in my family. People’s tastes change and whatever—so we just don’t do it, which has been super liberating to have fewer gifts at the holidays. It’s a big way to reduce stress.
That’s something you can suggest, but not everybody loves that idea of course.
I’m thinking about you accepting the sweater that doesn’t fit and I am feeling for you that that probably makes you feel really unseen, that someone was like, “I’m sure the medium will be fine.” And maybe that’s completely wrong, and that sucks.
Corinne
Could it be as simple as just trying it on then and there? You know, like, if it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit.
Virginia
I don’t know. I think this is one where I would not make this a big mountain to die on. I think I would roll with the fact that not every gift your kids get, and not every gift you get, is perfect. But maybe for next year, you could say, “What if we did fewer gifts? Or what if we gave experiences instead of gifts?” You can let her know ahead of time, like, “We’d love a zoo membership.”
Corinne
What about preemptively sending a list? You could send this person a thing that’s like, “This kid is interested in this. This kid is interested in this. You could include their sizes?”
Virginia
It’s tricky when people don’t request the list. I feel like, maybe the problem here is this grandmother doesn’t ask for ideas and just assumes that she knows what they want. And while I agree, that’s frustrating, I still fall back on the etiquette of we don’t get to dictate how people give us gifts.
Corinne
Also I feel like she’s probably trying to give something useful by giving clothing?
Virginia
It’s not more plastic crap like, “great more Legos to step on in the dark,” or more My Little Pony nonsense. Could be worse. Could be more Squishmallows. My houses is, conservative estimate, 37 percent Squishmallow at this point, and I don’t see that trend reversing.
Corinne
Is that a stuffed animal? That sounds like something my dog would like to rip apart, so if you ever need to get rid of any.
Virginia
Penelope does help. She does take out a few every now, and we thin the herd.
Corinne
That is so funny. Oh my gosh. Yeah, these are exactly like dog toys.
Virginia
There’s a zillion of them. They’re cute. But it’s just like, how many stuffed round things with googly eyes do we need in our lives? I would have argued none.
Corinne
I’m reading the next question. Another holiday one.
What are your hot takes on holiday magic pressure? What brings you joy? Or stress?
Virginia
Oh, man. Wow, holiday magic pressure is so high.
Corinne
I can really see the stress.
This is an interesting one for me. This doesn’t apply to me because I’m in a weird zone where I’m an adult and neither me nor my sister have kids.
Virginia
So no one needs magic.
Corinne
There is no magic. Or it’s whatever you make.
Virginia
That sounds so calm. You all just probably have a nice conversation and eat a good meal and go to bed.
Corinne
I mean, yeah.
Virginia
Sounds great.
I have complicated feelings about this, especially this year. Of course this is our first Christmas since separating. So we are doing a shared holiday but not every piece of it—like we each got our own tree. So the girls had two Christmas tree experiences, which actually worked out great. But I was like, “Will they be devastated that we’re doing two trees?” Every piece of it this year is weird and different, and we’re finding our way.
But I did take it as a cue to think about what I could do less of and what I enjoyed and would still want to do. I have done the family photo card for a long time. And at first I was like, I’m going to retire the photo card. And then I was like, no, I would love to send a card from me and the girls, that feels really nice, actually. So I did that, but I did cut down my my card list quite a bit, so that it wouldn’t be such a production.
We’re still seeing all the relatives, but we’re spreading it out, versus I used to host a big 24 person Christmas dinner. That didn’t feel right anymore. And I feel great about having adjusted the schedule to still see everyone we love but not all at one meal that I have to cook.
Corinne
That sounds really wise.
Virginia
But it’s hard! I was really scared to do that, because what if I’m going to upset 24 people who had an expectation of what this day was going to be? It turns out everyone was like, “Great! Do what you need to do! We got it.” Which makes me love my whole family.
I think if you are feeling the balance of stress to joy really tip toward stress, it is totally worth deciding you can cut out a few things. The kids don’t need Christmas to be quite as highly produced as social media tells us. I think it’s helpful to recognize that a lot of these expectations around—Christmas traditions in particular are what I’m talking about, because that’s the holiday I celebrate, but I’m sure this applies to other winter holidays as well—The expectations have gotten bigger and bigger. Again, I’ve done the family photo card. I do the Christmas Eve pajamas, and they get a book on Christmas Eve, and we do a lot of gifts on Christmas morning and stockings and we do Boxing Day presents. It’s so many layers. And it is worth thinking, like, do we need all of this? Or could we skip a few and they would still feel plenty magical?
Corinne
Do you do Santa Claus?
Virginia
Yes.
CONTENT WARNING: If you have children listening, we’re going to discuss Santa Claus now. Okay. I’m giving you a moment, evacuate the room. Sorry, this is a big deal.
One child is in the loop but plays along well, and one child still fully believes. And, you know, it’s fun and magical to be in that space. You don’t get that many years with that phase, so that actually helped me figure out what I wanted to prioritize, right? Knowing that I’m in the sweet spot of two kids still being into a super magical Christmas.
So right now gifts do matter to them. But gifts do not matter to any of the adults. So we have stripped that part out of our lives and that feels great. And with Christmas pajamas, they do really like that. So we’ll do that one. But if they stopped liking it, I’m not going to force them into Christmas pajamas because I want that Instagram photo.
Oh, one big change we made this this year was: We got a fake tree instead of going to cut down a live one. That’s a really big deal for me. I grew up always cutting them down. You know in New England, you always go out in the snow and everybody cries and you’re cold. You’d lug the thing back and it won’t go on the car. And then you’d lug it in the house and everyone’s swearing, trying to get it to stand up. I felt like that was a mandatory part of Christmas but I didn’t want to do it all by myself. So it was making me stressed and I said to the girls, like, what do we think? Do we need a real tree this year? Should we do a fake one? And they were both like, We need a fake one! Animal habitats are being destroyed.
Corinne
Oh my God. I love that.
Virginia
I know that’s not entirely true, but whatever. I was like, “Agreed. Let’s preserve the animal habitat.”
Corinne
And my sanity.
Virginia
So we got a fake one. It was so easy to set up. Yes, it’s a giant hunk of plastic and it was expensive, but it’s going to pay for itself in like two years, based on what I pay for fresh trees. So that was a big one that I took off my list.
Corinne
That sounds nice.
Virginia
Any other thoughts on holiday magic? Anything you’re like oh, we should add that in? Or you’re just like, it’s fine, we are low key magic these days?
Corinne
Well my dad is dead. And he died in December, so it’s also kind of a heavy time. It’s hard. But I think also sometimes it’s freeing to just be like, do whatever. You know.
Virginia
I think that’s how I’m feeling this year. We’re going to do some different stuff and we’re going to see if we want to keep doing it that way or do we want to change it up again? It’s helping me to be open to the idea that Christmas can look different every year based on where you are and what you need and what feels special to you.
Corinne
Totally.
Virginia
All right. Well, on that cheery holiday note! Let’s do some diet culture/ fat life questions.
This person would like recs for comfy underwear for apron bellies to help prevent sweating. I have tried so many.
Corinne. You are the resident underwear scientist for Burnt Toast.
Corinne
I mean, I’m starting to feel like my science is a little lacking because I feel like I basically just have one recommendation and everyone already knows by now. I like Thunderpants.
Virginia
I am excited to try them.
Corinne
I hope you do try them.
Virginia
I will. I’m in a real fight with my underwear right now.
Corinne
Okay, well then I won’t ask you to recommend any.
I guess the other thing I do want to say about this is I feel like you’re not going to find underwear that prevents sweating. What I’m extrapolating from this question is that you might be getting a skinfold rash under your belly? I have seen people selling these like belly liners. I’ve never tried them because it seems hard to have a piece of fabric tucked between your skin folds.
Virginia
Like, it’s an add on?
Corinne
It’s like basically like the shape of like a pad. You put it between your folds and it absorbs moisture.
Virginia
Like dress shields.
Corinne
I could imagine wearing them under my boobs, if I was not wearing a bra or something. But what I like for the sweat rash belly situation is diaper rash cream. I like the brand Weleda. I like the one that has the purple on the tube.
So get out of the shower. Make sure all your skin is fully dry, which might involve using extra towels or laying down and still for a while. Then put on the diaper rash cream and live your life. But I don’t think underwear can prevent the sweating.
Virginia
I mean, it’s not going to stop you sweating. I guess the right underwear maybe would help with wicking it away? But I agree, this cream sounds like a better way to create a barrier.
Corinne
Oh and the Thunderpants are not 100 percent cotton. I think they’re like 90 percent because they are very stretchy. For 100 percent cotton, I don’t know.
Virginia
There’s ARQ?
Corinne
But are ARQ even 100 percent?1
Virginia
It’s very cottony. I don’t know.
Corinne
I think there’s still a little stretch, but I could be wrong.
Virginia
I do think you need some stretch, right?
Corinne
I mean, I do, for sure.
Virginia
I’m not going to get something over my belly without stretch.
Corinne
I think someone in the comments was recommending some 100 percent cotton for sensory things, so maybe our commenters will help you. But that’s my take on the sweating underwear.
Virginia
I mean, I’m still on the quest to find some that don’t roll down. I’m wearing some from Birdsong. And I do the thing where once I find a pair of underwear I like, I buy 12 pairs and then wear them until they fall apart. And it’s possible we’ve just reached their lifespan? I think I’ve had this set of 12 pairs of underwear for at least two years and that’s all I’ve been wearing.
Corinne
Impressive, impressive.
Virginia
But now they’re definitely rolling down a lot. They’re doing the thing where if I’m wearing these joggers or jeans on the rare occasion I wear jeans, and I walk more than 10 feet, I’m suddenly aware of my underwear being around my knees basically.
Corinne
I do not like that.
Virginia
Nobody talks enough about that trauma. I also have a friend who swears by not wearing underwear as often as possible.
Corinne
I hate that idea so much.
Virginia
I mean, I’m just going to throw it out for people to experiment with if they want.
Corinne
I’m hoping that you try Thunderpants before the next time someone asks us an underwear question.
Virginia
Okay.
Corinne
Do you know of any ankle boots that fit extremely thick ankles? If so, please spread that butter.
Virginia
I’m here to say not Nisolo. Don’t even bother.
Corinne
Interesting.
Virginia
I don’t think I’d realized that boots could be slim cut to this degree and they definitely are. So that’s a don’t buy rec. What about you? Do you have any good sources for this?
Corinne
I mean, I feel like I have normal fat-sized ankles so I don’t know if these are going to be helpful. But what I find is the shorter the boot, the better. You have less problems if it’s hitting you at your actual ankle bone versus your lower calf.
Virginia
Which is thankfully a trend right now. I mean, there are a lot of booties.
Corinne
Yes. And then for wide fit, which I’m assuming is going to be better, people like Torrid wide fit shoes and ASOS also has some wide fit shoes. Those are both sort of on the that cheaper end.2
Virginia
Lane Bryant, too. Mia O’Malley was talking about really loving their boots recently.
Corinne
And then I also know there’s this brand Adelante Shoe Company.
Virginia
Oh, yes. I have tall boots from them and they’re amazing.
Corinne
Yeah, they do custom widths. So I would assume that you could include ankles in that.
Virginia
You do. You measure your ankles, and if you’re getting the knee high boots, several places on your calves. They are an investment. They’re very expensive.
Corinne
They’re like $2-300.
Virginia
But I will never need to buy another pair of tall boots. The other thing about boots that’s annoying is the trends on boots changes subtly every year. These are still working. I’ve had them for probably, oh gosh, pre-COVID. Like maybe since 2018? And I feel like they’re still working. Maybe not the trendiest boots you’re going to see. They’re not the Nisolo that everyone’s wearing right now. But they’re a very classic shape. So I would definitely check them out and you can just get your exact measurements and the quality is amazing.
Corinne
I love that.
Virginia
This person says: I am getting in a tizzy over my recent bloodwork numbers, diet thoughts, Ugh.
I really feel this person, as someone who recently had a high cholesterol reading. It’s weird how a biomarker can still trigger all the diet stuff. Because I feel like so often the Health at Every Size community is like, don’t focus on weight. Let’s focus on biomarkers instead as a measure of health. And then it turns out, if one of your biomarkers is off, you still feel like shit about it.
Corinne
Right?
Virginia
It’s the same thing.
Corinne
That’s where the healthism stuff comes in, where HAES is not necessarily helpful.
I mean, it’s hard to know exactly what to say without knowing what bloodwork numbers we’re talking about. But generally, I would say that most diets have not been proven to improve bloodwork. One thing that has been proven to have negative health impacts is stress.
So instead of focusing on the bloodwork, you could focus on stuff that does make you feel good. Like eating breakfast, stretching, going for a walk, spending time with people you love.
Virginia
Love it.
Corinne
And I think also, like, sometimes this stuff is not as much in our control as we wish it were. I wish my body worked in ways that it doesn’t, but going on a diet isn’t going to change it. And it sucks to realize that. But what are you going to do? Make yourself miserable?
Virginia
So much of what happens with our biomarkers is genetically determined.
Corinne
Or environmentally, or other stuff we don’t have control over.
Virginia
Whatever your numbers are, they aren’t your fault. They just aren’t your fault. This isn’t something you did to yourself by being irresponsible or lazy or unhealthy. None of that really applies here, even though that’s the mainstream narrative.
And, you deserve treatment. That’s the other thing I want to say. Whatever the number is and whatever shame spiral it’s triggering, you deserve treatment and support to navigate this. Healthcare is supposed to meet us where we are in the bodies we have right now. You’re not supposed to have to prove some kind of gold star patient status in order to be treated with dignity and respect for a health issue.
Corinne
Obviously, this isn’t how it works. But if there was a blood work number that was a death sentence—I mean, whatever. That’s a complicated thing to say because everyone is going to die anyways. But if there was a blood work number that was like, “this is really bad, you’re going to die.” Going on a diet isn’t going to fix that. So how would you want to live your life in the meantime, you know?
Virginia
Oh, I love that.
All right, the next question is a really tough one. This person writes,
I’m going to NYC with a group of my all straight size college friends. As a super fat person who will be at that time seven months pregnant, I am very anxious about the experience of being fat in New York. I lived there for a while, so I’m already speaking from some experience of the tiniest of cafe tables squished together like sardines. But my biggest worry is about going to see a show on Broadway. Any tips for how I can scope out the seating in the theaters? And also any advice for how to communicate either my need for special seating or my inability to go to my friends who seem not to have any awareness of this?
Corinne
This is such a tough one. I’m really feeling for this person.
Virginia
I’m mad at all your friends.
Corinne
I know.
Virginia
Be better, friends. I just want to talk to the straight size people and say can you be a better person and a better friend to your friend? This is unacceptable to me.
Corinne
Sadly, I do think that you need to talk to them. I feel like you should just say, like, Guys, I’m really worried. I also think being pregnant maybe gives you a little extra sway here.
Virginia
You shouldn’t need it, but yeah.
Corinne
Of course. You can just be like, “Guys, I’m so worried. I already have issues with seating and I’m going to be pregnant.” I would also ask them to help you! Like, if we have plans to go to restaurants, ask can you scope out the seating and send me a picture? Or can they call and see what type of seating they have?
Virginia
Whoever is organizing these Broadway tickets, this is on their to do list. It’s their job. If you’re the one being like, we all have to go see Hamilton, do some freaking research on the seats and figure out if your friend can go.
Corinne
I have two tips for this. The first tip is I would I would try to reach out to some fat people, either in New York or in the theater community, and be like, hey, like, is there a fat person who’s seen this show? What are the seats like? There’s a Facebook group that’s like, I think it might be fat girls traveling or something? I feel like that would be a good place to try. Or on Instagram, you could try on selltradeplus open threads on Fridays. Thats a great place.
Virginia
Send me more details and I’ll post it on my Instagram! We’ll see what Burnt Toast followers know. If you want to tell me what show or what restaurants they’re looking at, I have a lot of New York followers who might have some good info.
Corinne
And then the one theater thing I know is from Jordan Underwood, who does this little fat hacks series on Tiktok. They did one about theater seating and public venues are required to have accessible seating. They should have wheelchair transfer seats, which are seats that don’t have arms so that you can transfer from a wheelchair to the seat. So if you are a fat person that needs a seat without arms, you can use the wheelchair transfer seats. You may need to call the theater and ask.
And I would also just say, you’re not going to be the first person who has called a theater to be like, “What is your seating like? I’m fat, how can you help me?” I think people running theaters have experience with this.
Virginia
It’s their job to be building a space for your body, not your body’s job to be fitting into their space.
Corinne
So you can just try to call and talk to someone you can ask them to measure the seats, ask them about wheelchair transfer seats, or sometimes they can also set up a chair in a spot for a wheelchair. I know it probably feels weird and embarrassing. And like, I don’t know if that means you’ll have to sit separately from your friends.
Virginia
You’re mad at them anyway.
Corinne
I feel like it’s just worth it to not have to be in physical pain for three hours or however long a musical is.
Virginia
Sofie Hagen has a good video, where they call a venue to ask about seat sizing, if you want a script to practice. They’ve done a couple of these where they call an airline or whatever and you hear the actual conversation. It might help you think through how you’re going to handle that call. Because, I mean, I have phone fear, so I get that that is a fear provoking prospect.
Corinne
I guess my main advice is just: You’re not alone. Try to find people who have had this experience or can give you support throughout the experience.
Virginia
I hate that it’s on you to have to talk to your friends. I wish they were just being better humans. I’ll talk to them for you if you want. I’m really annoyed with these ladies. But if you talk to them and they don’t get it and aren’t immediately supportive, you deserve better friends. You don’t have to accept that either.
You can say, “This isn’t the trip I’m going to go on. This is not going to feel good for me.” If they’re your friends and they love you, they’re either going to work really hard to make it work for you, or they’re going to make sure they plan a better trip next time.
Corinne
I mean, that’s another good point, too. It’s like, do you want to go to the Broadway show? Because you could just say, “I’m not going to go because I’m too stressed about the seating,” and do something that sounds more fun to you.
Virginia
Oh my God, lay in your hotel room and watch Netflix. Get room service? Have yourself a whole great evening. I love that.
What are your favorite flu or COVID sick day meals or snack ideas?
This is a fun one. And by that I mean how fun that we are four years into a pandemic and still talking about it.
Corinne
Okay, I usually just do canned soup and saltines. I really like saltines when I’m sick. I also sometimes really like candy when I’m sick. That’s one of those things people are going to tell you not to do, but like gummy candy or something like that.
Virginia
Oh, interesting.
Corinne
if you get COVID or whatever and you can’t taste or smell, mint Mentos. I ate one million tubes of those when I had COVID.
Virginia
Oh, wow.
Corinne
I’m also a huge electrolyte drink fan, as we know. So either cucumber lime Gatorade, or the Nuun tablets which you dissolve yourself are my are my top electrolyte recommendations.
Virginia
I’m not a fan, but I’m glad for you.
Corinne
Thank you. Yes. What about you?
Virginia
I go back to the childhood comfort foods. Marmite on buttered toast is my go-to sick meal because I grew up eating Marmite on toast. If you didn’t eat Marmite as a child, and you’re not British, you won’t like it. So that’s not helpful for you. You will hate it. But yeah, comforting toast is really great, whatever your comfort toast is.
And when I need like something sort of snack-y but also semi would fill me up, I like to mix dry Cheerios and chocolate chips and sometimes some slivered almonds as like a very lazy trail mix situation. My 10 year old and I will make it as an after dinner snack sometimes.
Corinne
Sounds like it would be good on ice cream.
Virginia
It would be great on ice cream. I’m not usually getting that complicated, but I support.
Corinne
Alright.
I need more puzzle content. Do you redo your puzzles multiple times or buy new ones frequently and get rid of the old ones? Any favorite brands or places to get them? I’m trying to figure this out as I’m feeling puzzle season approaching.
Virginia
I mean, puzzle season is here! It is upon us. We are in the thick of it. It is peak puzzling time. So yes, I have thoughts on this.
I do not redo puzzles so much myself, but I will when I want a social puzzle experience. I have no problem redoing it when I’m sharing them with other people. But the real secret to a steady puzzle supply is other puzzle friends that you trade with. That’s the whole secret. My friend Tracy is like, I don’t know if there’s like puzzling as an Olympic sport, but Tracy is this person. She will do a 2000 piece puzzle in two days. She’s always puzzling. So she’ll just drop off bags of puzzles. When I go to her house, I bring a few puzzles to drop off. We’re just constantly swapping puzzles, so that keeps me in new puzzles pretty easily without having to buy a lot of new ones. although I do also buy them because that’s nice.
One brand I really like is EeBoo. They’re really high quality puzzles. Have a good clicky texture. This is just an important piece of it. So that’s a really good one
Two other brands. I really like are Piecework Puzzles, but I will say theirs are hard. This bread puzzle, it’s called Breadhead which is great name for a puzzle, but it has defeated me twice now. I’m probably going to send it to Tracy and make her do it and then maybe try again. But some of them are not quite so hard. But they’re really beautiful beautiful puzzles.
And then Cavallini & Co’s vintage puzzle series—this is probably my favorite type of puzzle because it is discrete objects. It’s very satisfying. This one I’m trying right now is vintage fish. Did you know fish could be vintage? Anyway. It’s satisfying because you’re like, I’m going to do all the red fish, blue fish and you kind of work your way through it very methodically. So those are three brands that make really high quality puzzles.
Oh, and then the other brand that’s like sort of a surprising sleeper hit is New Yorker puzzles. I don’t tend to find the illustrations as beautiful because they’re New Yorker magazine covers. That’s a certain aesthetic. But they’re really well made. And they come together very satisfyingly. Not all puzzle brands are created equal. There are some bad puzzles out there. But yeah, really get yourself in a puzzle swap situation. with some people in your neighborhood. That’s the whole key.
Corinne
I bet there are Facebook groups or something.
Virginia
There is also a rental puzzle service, which I have not tried because my local puzzle supply is quite rich. But it is on my radar to try that as needed.
Corinne
That’s a really good idea.
Virginia
Yeah, it totally makes sense. Because I will say I now have an entire drawer in my office devoted to puzzles and downstairs in our living room a whole bookcase of puzzles. There is just a limit to how many puzzles you want to store in your house.
Corinne
And I don’t think it’s very fun to redo them.
Virginia
No, but again, socially, it’s fine. It feels different.
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Butter
Corinne
My Butter is a TV show called Slow Horses on Apple TV. Have you watched this?
Virginia
No.
Corinne
Okay. It’s like a spy thriller starring Gary Oldman. Well, it’s British. So he’s MI5 and he runs this department that’s all the MI5 rejects. So they all are stuck doing all the bad jobs and paperwork and filing and stuff. Everyone there has done something bad to end up there. But they always get into crazy, actually dangerous situations. He just plays this like disgusting slovenly drunk guy. It’s just kind of fun to watch because he just looks like greasy and like un-showered all the time and is sarcastic but also just brilliant and has a good heart at the core.
Virginia
It’s sounding a little bit like House?
Corinne
A little bit. It’s British so there are only like six episodes every season or whatever, which is like so sad. But it’s in the third season, so if you haven’t watched it, you have a few episodes to get through.
Virginia
I’m in the market for a new show. I’m going to put that on my list.
Corinne
Very, very binge-able.
Virginia
We love a good binge.
Corinne
What’s your Butter?
Virginia
My butter is actually related to our recent Friday thread about laundry, where you asked how many laundry hampers everyone has and I had really strong opinions. So I wanted to share the laundry hampers that I am obsessed with which are so good because they come in a six pack.
Corinne
Oh my gosh!
Virginia
You may even need six laundry hampers, Corinne. Anyone who needs to sort laundry. Like, it’s so great. And what’s really good about them is, they are square. A lot of laundry hampers are rectangles. And I think this is probably true for everybody, but especially for people in bigger bodies, holding a rectangular laundry basket and trying to fit through a door is a thing. And with a square laundry basket, you will fit through the door. You can hold it in front of you and you can fit through the door. I didn’t even realize until I got these, how delightful that was for me to not be awkwardly coming down my basement stairs like how’s this going to go?
It’s a set of six square white plastic laundry baskets. They were very highly rated from one of the places that rates usefulness because we had broken a bunch of cheap Target laundry baskets. So I actually did some research before I bought these and they’ve been holding up really well. They look small, but they hold a solid load for sure. They’re deep. And it’s so great because I can have basically a basket for every need. I’m never like, where’s the laundry basket? There’s a laundry basket ready to go all the time for whatever load I’m doing.
Corinne
Wow, these look great.
Virginia
A friend of mine got the same set after I got them and he was like, “we had had a hodgepodge collection of laundry baskets—”which I think is more typical, right? Like you have the one that you had in college, you have your first apartment laundry. You just accumulate them. And he was like, “Something about replacing the hodgepodge with this a uniform collection of laundry baskets just made the whole thing feel less stressful in a way that I don’t understand.” But I completely agree.
Corinne
These look really good.
Virginia
Yeah, they’re excellent. Just getting through doors with your laundry is such a freakin thing. That’s my Butter. They’re great laundry baskets.
Corinne
Good Butter.
Virginia
All right, well, we did it. Thank you so much for listening to Burnt Toast.
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The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by me, Virginia Sole-Smith. You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter.
Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.
The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.
Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.
Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.
Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism!
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1 - ARQ is 92 percent cotton, 8 percent Spandex and Thunderpants are 90 percent cotton, 10 percent Spandex.
2 - We didn’t mention these, but you could also try a boot with a stretchy sweater cuff, like these. (affiliate link)