Join Laura Boyle, an acclaimed author and relationship coach, as she dives into the often-taboo topic of finances in non-monogamous relationships. Together with hosts Meshai and Fin, they explore how childhood influences shape adult money attitudes, and the critical need for open financial discussions in diverse relationship dynamics. They share practical advice on budgeting, expense-sharing, and the importance of creating formal agreements. Also, get a sneak peek at exciting concepts for non-monogamous-themed TV shows!
Childhood experiences significantly influence financial attitudes, which can impact discussions about money in non-monogamous relationships.
Early conversations about financial attitudes and budgeting are essential for building intimacy and avoiding misunderstandings later on.
Clear frameworks for discussing shared versus individual expenses are vital in multi-partner households to prevent conflicts and promote understanding.
Deep dives
Childhood Experiences and Financial Attitudes
Financial attitudes can be deeply influenced by childhood experiences, which may not always be openly discussed. Individuals coming from relatively homogenous backgrounds may only recognize different perspectives on money in diverse adult communities. This is particularly relevant in non-monogamous dating, where individuals encounter varied financial attitudes for the first time. These early experiences can shape how someone views financial discussions and decisions in relationships.
Importance of Early Financial Conversations
When relationships deepen, bringing up finances is crucial, but it should be done at appropriate stages rather than waiting until major decisions, like moving in together, are imminent. Early conversations can begin with discussing attitudes towards spending and budgeting, which helps build a foundation for more intimate financial discussions later on. Couples who postpone these conversations often face challenges when financial matters become urgent. Establishing open communication early on strengthens the relationship and avoids misunderstandings as intimacy grows.
Strategies for Shared Financial Responsibilities
Addressing expenses in non-monogamous or multi-partner households requires careful negotiation about what constitutes household versus individual costs. Options may include separate, joint, or hybrid financial strategies, with some couples choosing to merge all finances while others maintain distinct accounts. Clarity is critical when it comes to discussing who pays for what, especially regarding shared experiences or joint expenses, which can lead to conflicts if not discussed openly. Creating a clear framework helps mitigate resentment and confusion over shared financial responsibilities.
Financial Protections in Cohabitation
Moving in with established couples requires clear financial protections to safeguard personal interests, especially in complex arrangements. Maintaining separate financial accounts is crucial to ensure that individuals have access to funds in case of a breakup or other life changes. Additionally, formal agreements regarding household expenses and contributions can help establish boundaries and clarify expectations about financial involvement. Legal considerations, such as having your name on leases and understanding shared financial responsibilities, are essential for long-term security.
Creating Healthy Financial Norms
Engaging in open conversations about finances can help normalize what is often perceived as a taboo subject. Establishing a culture of transparency promotes healthier relationships and allows individuals to feel comfortable discussing their financial situations with partners or friends. Developing friendships where financial experiences are shared can diminish shame and create supportive environments for discussing personal finances. This practice encourages understanding and fosters a more responsible approach to financial discussions within all types of relationships.
Quick note and disclaimer... Laura, Meshai, and myself (Fin) are NOT tax or finance professionals. Please talk to a financial professional, CPA, or similar about your specific financial situation.
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!