Jay Shetty: The Rules for Falling in Love and Not Fucking It Up
Jan 18, 2023
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Motivational speaker and author Jay Shetty joins to discuss the rules for falling in love and not fucking it up. They explore common mistakes in dating, the influence of childhood experiences on relationships, and debunk the fairytale proposal myth. Practical advice is given on settling into a trust-based relationship, navigating stress and conflict, and cultivating a healthy relationship. They also delve into the fear of being alone, the significance of values and the three date rule, and the importance of first date questions.
Embracing solitude and focusing on self-discovery and self-care is crucial for attracting healthier and more compatible relationships.
Identifying the influence of our parents on our behaviors and beliefs about love helps us avoid unrealistic expectations in relationships.
The three-date rule involves asking key questions throughout the dating process to gauge compatibility and build strong foundations for potential long-term relationships.
Deep dives
Importance of Being Alone
Being alone is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. It allows individuals to avoid settling for less than they deserve in relationships and helps them develop self-dependence. Society often stigmatizes being alone, but it is essential to disconnect the idea that being alone reflects one's self-worth. By embracing solitude and focusing on self-discovery and self-care, individuals can attract healthier and more compatible relationships.
Filling the Gaps from Parental Influence
Our relationships with our parents heavily influence our behaviors and beliefs about love. Identifying the gaps and gifts we received from our parents is crucial for understanding our needs and expectations in relationships. By filling in the gaps ourselves and appreciating the gifts, we can avoid expecting our partners to fulfill them. This allows for healthier relationships where both individuals are valued for who they are rather than being pressured to meet unrealistic standards.
The Three-Date Rule for Meaningful Connections
The three-date rule is not about the first three dates, but rather a set of questions that can be sprinkled throughout the dating process. The first date focuses on getting to know each other's tastes and preferences, while the second date delves deeper into personal values and aspirations. The third date aims for self-disclosed vulnerability, allowing uncomfortable conversations with trust and openness. By asking these questions genuinely and actively listening, individuals can gauge compatibility and build strong foundations for potential long-term relationships.
Transitioning from chemistry to love
Chemistry is just a spark in a relationship, and it's important to turn that spark into a burning flame of love. As comfort and trust develop over time, the initial stress and intense attraction decrease. This comfort should be valued as it signifies a deeper connection and the potential for a lasting relationship.
Analyzing pace and trust in relationships
Examining the pace of a relationship is crucial for making better decisions and avoiding attachment before truly knowing someone. It is important to assess how fast the relationship became serious or intimate and whether one was skeptical or overly optimistic. Another important aspect is allowing the person to show their true character and not projecting one's own expectations on them. Additionally, trust is not a binary concept but exists on different levels: zero trust, transactional trust, reciprocal trust, and unconditional trust. Understanding and respecting these levels is essential for building a healthy and lasting relationship.
Jay Shetty joins Call Her Daddy to discuss the rules for falling in love and not fucking it up. Alex and Jay break down common mistakes people fall into when navigating the early stages of dating and how the pace of the relationship is a crucial part of not missing any potential red flags. Jay explains the link between the way our parents raised us, how that influences potential partners we seek out, and how to become aware we are even doing any of this. He debunks the idea that a fairytale proposal and wedding is synonymous with true love and teaches us ways to be grateful and content with the life we have. Alex and Jay discuss the terrifying moment when you lose the ‘spark’ in your relationship and Jay gives practical advice on how to settle into a relationship that is rooted in trust, respect and growth. Every relationship comes with stress and conflict but Jay breaks down how to navigate these situations with your partner in a way that ultimately ends up deepening the relationship. This episode is packed with advice on how to cultivate a healthy relationship in your life whether you are currently single or coupled up! Jay's second book, 8 Rules of Love, releases January 31 and is available for pre order at 8RulesofLove.com. To catch Jay on his first ever world tour 'Love Rules', go to JayShettyTour.com for tickets and VIP packages.
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