How do I handle jealousy in a monogamous OR ENM relationship?

This week, DB reflects on last week's fantastic conversation with Certified Sex Therapist Claire Perelman. Let's take a moment to really unpack jealousy and envy, no matter if you're ENM or monogamous. What does jealousy say about us -- and what does it not? There's a sense of shame around jealousy that we can move past using our emotional honesty and by naming what we're feeling. Plus: a vocab lesson on jealousy versus envy. They're different!

JEALOUSY SCRIPTS YOU CAN STEALWhen jealousy pops up mid-scroll: “Hey love, I’m feeling a jealousy pang. I’m going to take 10 minutes to breathe and journal, then could we do a quick check-in about Friday’s plans? I think I need a clearer start/stop time so I can plan something for me.”

When you need reassurance without rules: “I’m not asking you to stop seeing them. I’m asking for a reassurance ritual--a goodnight text and a Saturday morning debrief. That would help my nervous system a lot.”

When you want to celebrate your partner but still have feels: “I’m happy you had a great date, and I’m noticing some jealousy in me. Could we carve 30 minutes tomorrow for us? I want to reconnect.”

Repair after a jealous blow-up: “I got flooded and got snappy. I’m sorry. The story in my head was ‘I’m being replaced.’ Here’s what I’m going to try next time: pause, breathe, then ask for a check-in.”

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