The Daily Dad

What Do You Never Want Them To Think?

Apr 7, 2020

02:36

Snipd AI

The podcast discusses the importance of fathers' actions on their children's thoughts and emotions. It emphasizes the need for fathers to ensure their children feel loved and supported, and reflects on the negative impact criticism and judgment can have on children's self-worth.

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Quick takeaways

Create an environment where your children don't feel the need to earn your approval or feel worthless.

Reflect on your behavior and avoid rushing with judgment, offering more compliments than criticism, and managing your own issues to positively impact your children's emotional state.

Deep dives

The Importance of Emotional Well-being

As a father, it is crucial to consider the emotional well-being of your children. You never want them to feel stupid, unloved, or worthless. It is important to create an environment where they do not feel the need to earn your approval. Additionally, you should never make them think that you are too busy for them or that their success matters more than their happiness. Although it may be basic knowledge, self-reflection on your behavior is necessary to ensure you are not contributing to these negative feelings. Making an effort to listen instead of rushing with judgment, offering more compliments than criticism, and managing your own issues to avoid disappointment or anger can significantly impact their emotional state.

Considering Our Impact on Our Children's Thoughts and Feelings

2min

Imagine that you’re gone and able to look down now and see your kids from above. Or imagine that somehow you had magical powers and could see inside their heads and read their thoughts. What is it that you would never want them to witness? What is it that you would never want them to feel?

Not failure, obviously, because you know that’s a part of life. Not suffering—within reason—because that too is a part of life, as the Buddha says. But you would never want them to feel stupid, or feel unloved, or feel that they had to earn your approval. You would never want them to feel worthless. Or find out that they really needed you but were afraid to come to you for help. You would never want them to think you were too busy for them, or that you cared about their success more than their happiness.

This is basic stuff, right? Okay, but honestly, if you really looked at your behavior, do you think you contribute to those exact feelings? They came to you and instead of listening… you rushed right in with judgement or a lecture. You criticize far more than you compliment. You are cold or easily disappointed… because you’re still dealing with your own issues. You lost your temper. You say harsh things.

Every father does this. We make our kids feel a way that if we heard their boyfriend or their boss made them feel that way we’d drive down and kick their ass. We do it because we’re not aware enough, because we don’t take our influence seriously enough. And that’s not okay. We can do better. We have to do better.

Imagine you could see the world from inside your kid’s heart and head. Now look at their father—look at the way you act towards them. It’s not the picture you want to see, is it?

So change. Now.

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