215. “He wants a house, I don’t want to go bankrupt.”

31 snips

Jul 1, 2025

Athena and Arie face a financial crossroads in their new marriage, revealing deep-seated tensions about homeownership and freedom. Arie’s desire for stability clashes with Athena's fear of financial constraints, shaped by their contrasting upbringings. The couple’s separate finances and differing spending philosophies come to light, underscoring the need for open communication. They confront emotional barriers, redefine their financial futures, and ultimately seek a balance that prioritizes love while grappling with their financial reality.

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INSIGHT

Politeness Masks Financial Conflict

Ari and Athena avoid direct money fights but are overly polite instead, which hinders honest conversations.
Politeness without honesty can lead to resentment and unresolved money issues in relationships.

ANECDOTE

Rethinking Fairness in Splitting Costs

Athena and Ari discussed splitting rent 50-50 but found it unfair due to income differences.
This sparked mature conversations about what fairness truly means in their finances.

ADVICE

Complete Spending Plan Together

Couples should fill out their conscious spending plan (CSP) together, not separately.
Slowing down to talk about what you enjoyed spending on enhances planning effectiveness.

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Athena (31) and Arie (30) are newly married and dreaming of buying a home, starting a family, and traveling the world. But their finances—and philosophies—don’t align. Athena’s upbringing was defined by instability and strict religious messaging around money; Arie’s was middle-class and frugal. Now, they're realizing that love alone isn’t enough—they need a shared plan. Can Ramit help them define their values, shift their dynamic, and start building a future as true partners?

In this episode we uncover:

• The subtle financial tension that’s been building—and how it’s showing up in everything from gift-giving to debt.

• Why Arie is laser-focused on buying a home, while Athena worries about losing her freedom.

• The real reason Athena keeps her finances separate—and how her upbringing shaped that decision.

• How Arie’s savings mindset clashes with Athena’s more flexible approach to money.

• A surprising admission about holiday spending.

• What it really means to feel “safe” with money.

• The power struggle hiding beneath their shared bank account.

• How financial shame from childhood still influences their present-day relationship.

• Their unspoken fears—and how Ramit pushes them to define their shared Rich Life.

Chapters:

(00:00:00) “It’s a dream”—but what if your partner doesn’t share it?

(00:08:30) They don’t fight—but is that actually the problem?

(00:21:19) “I don’t know if I can say yes if I have debt”

(00:24:44) Ramit breaks down their numbers

(00:37:36) Dreaming big while avoiding the details

(00:45:32) “What kind of person doesn’t own a house?”

(00:55:33) The moral script keeping Athena stuck

(01:14:39) “If you want something for yourself, you’re greedy”

(01:22:57) Getting honest about a future they can’t afford

(01:33:15) Where are they now? Athena and Arie’s follow-ups

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Links mentioned in this episode

• Get Ramit’s 3 Step Guide to Buying a House

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