In this episode, the host talks about the importance of apologizing in relationships and the need for sincere apologies. They discuss the impact of power dynamics, the work required for repair, and the significance of setting boundaries. The speaker shares personal experiences and insights on genuine apologies, trigger management, and therapy for better communication.
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Quick takeaways
Take time to reflect before apologizing, especially in tense situations.
Acknowledge power dynamics in relationships to understand conflict and work towards genuine repair.
Deep dives
The Importance of Slowing Down and Processing
In the podcast episode, the host emphasizes the importance of slowing down and taking time to process during tense moments. Specifically focusing on an ADHD brain that can be hyperactive or inattentive, she highlights the need to pause, breathe, and assess the situation before reacting hastily. By encouraging listeners to not rush through apologies or use fake apologies to end conversations, the host underscores the value of genuine reflection and consideration before responding.
Acknowledging Power Dynamics in Relationships
Another key point discussed in the podcast is the significance of acknowledging power dynamics in relationships when addressing conflicts or apologies. The host shares a personal experience where understanding the power dynamic between her and her son helped her realize her role in a conflict. By elaborating on the differences in power dynamics between various types of relationships, the host emphasizes the need to consider these factors when navigating apologies and repairs with loved ones.
The Process of Apologizing, Repair, and Behavioral Change
The podcast delves into the process of apologizing, repair, and implementing behavioral changes to strengthen relationships. It stresses that apologies are not the end but the beginning of repair, highlighting the importance of ongoing efforts to rebuild trust. By providing personal examples and insights, the host emphasizes the necessity of not just apologizing but also creating a plan to prevent similar behaviors in the future through self-reflection, therapy, and consistent efforts to be different.
This week, I blew up at my son. At the time, I felt justified (don’t cross mama’s boundaries) but the more I sat with the situation, I knew I was in the wrong.
The whole thing made me feel ick and got me thinking about the “right way” to apologize.
Note: These are tips for apologizing in a perfect world. If you’re activated, feeling defensive, or in self-judgment mode, it’s going to be way harder to put these into action.
Here’s the thing: Being human is hard. We all want safe, connected relationships. But every relationship in our lives will rupture at some point.
Fortunately, it is possible to repair even when we're in the wrong.
Because at the end of the day, apologies aren’t enough. (I know, if you grew up in a home where “sorry” was used as a power play to silence you, this is probably shocking.)
But being sorry doesn't fix everything. 🙅🏻♀️ We need to do the work of repair, and people need time before they can recalibrate and trust us again. That’s NORMAL.
In this episode on How to Apologize, I’m sharing 3 steps you need to take the next time you apologize - plus what you need to do to repair the relationship and make sure you don’t make the same mistake again.