The Couples Therapist Couch

230: Understanding Shame with Shane Birkel

10 snips
Feb 17, 2025
Dive into the complex world of shame as it shapes our self-worth and relationships. Discover the difference between toxic and healthy shame, and how these feelings affect communication between partners. Learn the importance of navigating early experiences that influence adult relationships. The conversation emphasizes self-compassion and vulnerability as keys to healing and fostering deeper connections. Understanding shame is essential for promoting personal growth and healthier dynamics in intimate partnerships.
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INSIGHT

Shame's Importance

  • Shame is a core element in how Shane Burkle approaches therapy.
  • Understanding shame helps people see themselves and relationships differently.
INSIGHT

Toxic vs. Healthy Shame

  • Toxic shame makes individuals feel unworthy and undeserving of love.
  • Healthy shame/guilt motivates accountability and care for others' feelings.
ANECDOTE

Affair Example

  • Someone having an affair can feel healthy guilt, motivating them to work on the relationship.
  • This guilt allows them to experience their partner's pain in couples therapy.
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