100: When Your Child Has a Preferred Parent (or Not) with Sarah and Corey
May 3, 2023
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Parenting enthusiasts Sarah and Corey discuss sparking family connection, primary and secondary attachment, tips for bedtime routines, understanding preferred parent roles, importance of play, and effective communication as partners in fostering a strong relationship with children.
Child's preference for a parent is normal; alternating tasks builds attachment.
Non-preferred parent should stay calm, use humor, and maintain self-worth despite rejection.
Deep dives
Dealing with a Child's Preference for a Parent
When a child shows a preference for one parent over the other, it can be challenging for the non-preferred parent. In such situations, it's essential not to take it personally but understand that this preference is a normal part of child development. Alternating tasks and bedtime rituals between parents can help build attachment with both parents, decreasing preference.
Handling Emotional Reactions from the Child
When the non-preferred parent encounters emotional outbursts from the child, it's crucial to stay calm and empathetic. Reassuring the child that even though they prefer the other parent, the non-preferred parent is there to provide love and care fosters a secure attachment. Using humor and play, like the 'You Can't Get to Mommy/Daddy' game, can help relieve tension and fears surrounding the preference.
Supporting the Non-Preferred Parent
Supporting the non-preferred parent in feeling worthy and lovable despite the child's rejection is vital. Reminding them that the child's behavior is not a reflection of their value as a parent can help maintain a positive perspective. Establishing agreements with the preferred parent to avoid rescuing the child during transitions can empower the non-preferred parent in their role.
Navigating Changes and Communication as Partners
Acknowledging the challenges faced by both parents – the preferred and non-preferred – and fostering open communication and empathy is essential. Recognizing that each role comes with difficulties and respecting the emotions of both parties can strengthen the parental partnership. Remembering that this phase is temporary and seeking support, such as coaching or online courses, can provide valuable assistance.
In this episode, Corey and I sit down for a joint episode about when your child has a preferred parent (or not).
We talk about various ideas for sparking connection within your family unit, the normalcy of primary and secondary attachment, taking turns at bedtime, tips for bedtime routines, understanding how it feels to be the preferred parent, the importance of play, and effective communication as partners, and so much more.
**GIVEAWAY**
To help celebrate hitting 100 episodes, from May 3 to May 17, choose a podcast episode that you love, screenshot it, share it, and tag me or send it to me. We will enter you into our contest to win either one year in our Peaceful Parenting membership, access to My Transform Your Family Life online course or private coaching.
We talk about:
[4:20] Favorite ideas to help spark connection
[5:40] The normalcy with primary and secondary attachment
[8:25] Taking turns at bedtime
[11:20] Tips for working up to bedtime routines
[13:50] What the non-preferred parent can remind themselves of
[17:20] How it feels to be the preferred parent
[23:00] The importance of ‘play’ and including both the preferred and non-preferred parent