PsycHacks Episode 564: Garden tools (how to capture male attention)
Oct 24, 2025
This discussion explores the concept of 'hoeish' behavior and its surprising effectiveness in capturing male attention. It dives into why attempts to change someone's core attraction often fail and how controlling tactics can backfire. Instead of trying to reform partners, men are encouraged to find women who naturally meet their preferences. The conversation also suggests ways to cultivate intimacy by starting with traditionally 'good' partners and exploring private dynamics. Self-reflection on attraction can lead to healthier relationship outcomes.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Why Hoish Behavior Persists
- Hoish behavior persists because it reliably captures men's attention and resources on a population level.
- Orion Taraban argues we see these behaviors today precisely because they work for many men.
Undermining Attraction Backfires
- Trying to change the traits that attracted you undermines the relationship's foundation and often backfires.
- Taraban warns that removing attraction risks making both partners unhappy and increasing relationship instability.
Stop Using Control Games
- Avoid control games like banning outfits, clubs, or friends to force behavioral change in a partner.
- Orion Taraban advises accepting who you were attracted to instead of trying to micromanage them.
