16 | When Self-Care Doesn't Work, Here's What Will

She didn’t see how badly she was hurting herself. “I feel like I should be able to handle this,” she admitted. “I mean, she does so much for me. Who am I to complain?” We were halfway through our mentoring session. I paused, remaining silent on the other end of the phone line. The space between us told me to wait: I knew she wasn’t finished yet. “A part of me feels like I should just suck it up,” she finished. Her throat tightened around her voice, holding back a tsunami of sadness. While spending Thanksgiving with her family, this incredibly deep, wise woman became embroiled in a familiar struggle with her mother. Her new haircut (too short), the mess her green smoothie made in the blender, how she wanted to go for a walk instead of visiting with the cousins-- her mom shot passive aggressive jabs at them all. No matter how calm and compassionate this goddess was in her daily life, when she visited her family, it all seemed to fly out the window. Her mom seemed to know exactly which buttons to push, causing her to regress to a tempestuous five-year-old. Every time. “Let’s pause here,” I inserted. “I want to give some space to the part of you that feels like she can’t handle this. The part of you who wants to complain. The part of you who doesn’t want to suck it up. Can we let her be here, too?” Her sadness swelled, and, through her sniffles, I could hear the tears starting to flow. “Yes, that’s good,” I encouraged, “Let’s give some space to the sadness.” Over the years, I’ve had countless conversations like this-- both with the women I mentor and with myself. When old wounds like this get triggered, no amount of self-care can soothe us. Why is this? Anytime there’s an inner atmosphere of stress, we know that one of our inner family members isn’t getting the attention it so needs and deserves. Rather than colluding with our inner bully (and only increasing the emotional intensity we’re feeling), we need to pause, listen, and be a good parent to ourselves. This is the next step along our Heroine’s Journey, which I spoke about on the second morning of our SHE Retreat in Mexico last month. As the waves crashed to the shore in the background, and as we all settled deeper into our retreat together, I shared: *The root reason why life can feel like such a struggle. *The biggest challenge women face, and how to work with it. *The 2 things that need to be present to feel safe, loved, and accepted for who you are. *How to shift out of the stress response and inner turmoil -- immediately. Ahhhhhh. Was that wisdom talk just what you needed to slow down, re-center, and reconnect to the sacred wholeness of your feminine being? I hope so, dear sister. We women need to build rest, contemplative quiet, and loving connection into our lives. And it’s incredible what 20 minutes here or there can do. Imagine what would be possible in your life if you put this kind of pampering and spiritual practice on autopilot in 2016. If you had regular mini-retreats, daily self-care rituals, fiercely loving mentorship, and a supportive community to keep what matters most on your front burner. That’s just the beginning of The SHE School 2016: the only online course I’ll teach next year. We begin our collective Heroine’s Journey in February, but if your heart is already a YES, I’m sharing a beautiful collection of early registration gifts: a LIVE tele-cast Visioning 2016 ritual, Life Design playbooks (where I share my favorite tools for health, life, business, and love), my women’s yoga and meditation kits, and more. If you’re ready to transform in the year ahead… and your butterfly chrysalis feels a little lonely (or confusing!), I’d love to welcome you to our growing circle. Our doors are open for Early Registration until December 12 … and I can’t wait to welcome you. Click here to learn more about The SHE School 2016: www.TheSHESchool.com

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her Self CEO Early Reg Dynamic Ad

her Self CEO Early Reg Dynamic Ad