Parenting the Child You Have (Not the One You Expected)

Jan 16, 2026

Cindy Goldrich, founder of PTS Coaching and author, dives into the nuanced world of parenting children with ADHD. She discusses the significance of letting go of preconceived expectations and instead embracing each child's unique strengths. Goldrich clarifies the distinction between intelligence and executive function, revealing that many bright kids struggle with organization. Stress impacts a child’s ability to utilize executive function, making calmness essential for effective parenting. She also emphasizes the importance of teaching skills through appropriate accommodations rather than enabling.

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INSIGHT

Shift From Expectation To Curiosity

"Parent the child you have" means letting go of expectations and getting curious about who your child actually is.
Cindy Goldrich says this shift refocuses parenting from fixing to partnering with the child's strengths.

ANECDOTE

Following A Child Into New Interests

Cindy tells of following her daughter's interests to rock climbing and moving to Boulder to support her.
The story illustrates letting go of parental expectations and exploring unknown talents.

INSIGHT

Executive Function Is Developmental And Stress-Sensitive

Executive function is developmental, uneven, and the prefrontal cortex is the last to mature.
Cindy explains stress reduces blood flow to the prefrontal cortex making EF skills harder in high-pressure moments.

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"Parent the child you have," is a common piece of advice in the neurodiversity community, but what does it actually look like in practice when stress is high and patience is low? Why do traditional consequences often fail to build the skills a child actually needs? And how can parents distinguish between enabling a child and truly supporting them? Today, Emily Kircher-Morris talks with Cindy Goldrich, founder of PTS Coaching, and author of Eight Keys to Parenting Kids and Teens with ADHD, about the developmental reality of executive dysfunction and why "calm is power" when it comes to parenting complex kids.

TAKEAWAYS

"Parenting the child you have" requires letting go of the expectations of who you thought they would be and getting curious about who they actually are.
Executive function is a developmental process, and the human brain often isn't fully mature until age 25 to 30.
Intelligence and executive function are separate traits; a high IQ does not guarantee a child will have the ability to organize or self-regulate.
Enabling is defined as doing something for a child without a plan to help them eventually do it for themselves.
Stress physically restricts access to the prefrontal cortex, making executive function skills harder to access in high-pressure moments.
ADHD is fundamentally a delay in the development of executive function skills, sometimes by as much as 30%.
Oppositional behavior (often labeled ODD) is frequently a result of emotional dysregulation rather than a calculated choice to be difficult.
A parent's ability to remain calm is their greatest power in helping a dysregulated child.

Here's the link to register for the continuing education training on January 23, "Adapting Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Autistic and ADHD Pediatric Clients."

Cindy Goldrich, Ed.M., ADHD-CCSP is a leading expert in ADHD and executive function support, and the founder of PTS Coaching. She is the author of 8 Keys to Parenting Kids & Teens with ADHD, and co-author of ADHD, Executive Function & Behavioral Challenges in the Classroom, two widely used resources for parents and educators seeking practical, compassionate tools to better support neurodivergent kids.

Cindy has trained thousands of families and professionals through her Calm & Connected® workshops and certification programs for ADHD Parent Coaches and Teacher Trainers. Known for her clear, empathetic teaching style, she also serves on the Board of Directors for CHADD and the Editorial Advisory Board of Attention Magazine, continuing to advocate for greater awareness and more effective support across home and school settings.

BACKGROUND READING

Cindy's website, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, discount book order (while offer lasts), Free gift about how to support your child or teen.

The Neurodiversity Podcast is on Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky, and you're invited to join our Facebook Group. For more information go to www.NeurodiversityPodcast.com.

If you'd like members of your organization, school district, or company to know more about the subjects discussed on our podcast, Emily Kircher-Morris provides keynote addresses, workshops, and training sessions worldwide, in-person or virtually. You can choose from a list of established presentations, or work with Emily to develop a custom talk to fit your unique situation. To learn more, visit our website.