Life Coaching with Christine Hassler EP 287: Stop Putting Yourself Second and Speak Your Needs with Judy
This episode is about honoring your needs and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband and herself about her needs.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode287]
Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection from ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem, you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.
Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?
Many of us think people-pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.
It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first by making self-honoring choices. People-pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people-pleasing is draining.
Drop the people-pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices, and get out there and find your tribe!
Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
- Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
- Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
- Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?
Judy’s Question:
Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.
Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She has been continuously moving for a year.
- Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
- Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
- She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
- She always puts other people first.
- She has a hard time saying no.
- She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
- She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
- She should lean more into authenticity and less into people-pleasing.
- She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.
Takeaways:
- If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
- If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
- Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
- Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.
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