Dr. Lucy Blake, author of “No Family is Perfect,” discusses the complexities of family estrangement, including its causes, societal stigma, and ways to find support. She explores the impact of therapy, differences between parent-child and sibling estrangements, challenges of reconnecting, and navigating grief in estranged relationships.
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Quick takeaways
Family estrangement is more common than perceived, affecting 1 in 4 siblings and 20% of adults.
Therapy can provide crucial support for coping with family estrangement by offering validation and understanding.
Deep dives
Prevalence of Family Estrangement
Research shows that family estrangement is more common than previously thought, with around 1 in 4 siblings experiencing estrangement from a brother or sister. Additionally, about 20% of adults experience estrangement from a father, while about 9% experience it from a mother. These rates highlight that estrangement is a prevalent experience that many individuals undergo.
Common Reasons for Estrangement
Emotional abuse and differences in values emerge as common reasons for family estrangement, with issues such as bullying, lack of safety, and diverging opinions on important matters leading to distant or estranged relationships. Furthermore, everyday family experiences like divorce can also contribute to estrangement, causing rifts between family members over time.
Seeking Therapy for Estrangement
Therapy can be beneficial in coping with family estrangement, offering warmth, validation, and understanding that may be missing in estranged relationships. A therapist's comprehension of estrangement and its broader impact on various family dynamics is crucial for effective support. However, therapy may not always be helpful if the therapist lacks empathy or fails to acknowledge the significant losses and grief associated with estrangement.
Being estranged from a family member -- a parent, sibling or adult child -- is far more common than people think. Dr. Lucy Blake, author of “No Family is Perfect: A Guide to Embracing the Messy Reality,” talks about why family estrangement happens, why estrangement encompasses more than just “no contact,” the stigma around estrangement, and where and how to find support.