Ep 34: Drug and Alcohol Conversations

Robert J. Meyers, the author of "Getting Your Loved One Sober", explores strategies that parents can use to get teenagers to stop using drugs and alcohol. Instead of blaming and shaming teenagers, Meyers' research-based approach involves loving and accepting your teen.

Full show notes

When our teenagers develop bad habits, it can feel like they’re slipping out of our control. You might worry about your teen getting into trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and doing something or don’t approve of. All of a sudden, you’re hearing them come home late at night, having no idea where they went or who they were with.

It seems as though even if we beg, scream, and plead, kids won’t let up on potentially dangerous behavior. Repeatedly, we punish them, try strategies to prevent underage drinking, give ultimatums, and say that we don’t like what they’re doing—but none of it seems to work. It’s easy to get frustrated and confused when your child just won’t listen, won’t change, won’t accept help.

That’s why we need a new method of addressing our teenager’s upsetting habits. Luckily, today’s episode is jam packed with information about better ways to talk to your teenager and strategies to prevent underage drinking. Today’s guest is Dr. Robert J. Meyers, author of Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening. His book shines light on effective techniques to help your loved ones develop healthy habits that go beyond simple scolding.

Dr. Meyers has been working since 1976 on developing a set of principles known as CRAFT- Community Reinforcement Approach Family Therapy. CRAFT coaches individuals how to help their spouses, children, or friends who struggle with addiction accept treatment and make lasting progress.

However, his ideas have applications far beyond helping those with serious addiction problems and it is so relevant for parents of teenagers, especially those looking for strategies to prevent underage drinking.

CRAFT’s central components of positivity and encouragement and its practical methods for creating healthier individuals can help parents and teens everywhere. As CRAFT is a community-and-family-based approach, Dr. Meyers focuses on how a family member can help a troubled teenager in this insightful interview.

It Starts With You, A Parent

When it comes to strategies to prevent underage drinking, Dr. Meyers says it’s critical that parents don’t blame themselves for their child’s choices. Harboring negative thoughts about yourself as a parent or failing to come to terms with the situation are not good strategies to prevent underage drinking. In CRAFT, easing this pain and sadness is the first part of guiding a teenager to recovery. In this way, a parent who is struggling should heal themselves first so they have an easier time helping their teenager heal. It’s like what they say before flights, “In the event that we lose cabin pressure, put on your own oxygen mask before you help your children.”

That’s why Dr. Meyers underscores the importance of focusing on your own happiness first! You don’t have to feel guilty about this, because it actually helps your child. By bringing more joy into your own life, you can help your teenager be more positive as well. CRAFT is all about positivity. It aims to escape the constant cycle of nagging, arguing, yelling and punishing that we sometimes fall into when we’re trying strategies to prevent underage drinking

Seeking Alternatives

According to Dr. Meyers, one of the first steps is to help your teenager become less dependent on substances or other addictive things is to figure out the root of the problem. He suggests starting by mapping out your child’s concerning practices, and finding the source of their troubling behavior. That’s why CRAFT focuses largely on mental health. If we can help teenagers live happier lifestyles, we can stop them from engaging in risky antics and find strategies to prevent underage drinking.

Surprisingly, for a lot of American teenagers, a common cause of substance abuse or risky behavioral tendencies is more commonplace than you might imagine:

Boredom

In order to find strategies to prevent underage drinking, Meyers urges parents to find alternatives to their teen’s risky behaviors. The idea is to put negative emotions to rest by helping teens finding something other than substances to make them feel good. This includes anything besides drugs, alcohol, or whatever other dangerous behavior they’ve been indulging in. It could be painting, playing outdoors, or gaming with friends, as long as it is something they can naturally enjoy in moderation.

Meyers says we can start by doing research, finding a list of activities and things to do locally. Write them down, and go over them with your child. Then, help your teenager acquire the means to do that activity, whether it’s getting them the funds or the transportation.

If we can help them get invested in activities aside from drugs and find new passions, we can help them get on the track to sobriety or even start them on a career path. If they like computer games, encourage them to learn more about how those games are made. Perhaps their love for playing games can turn into a passion for computer programming! Finding a passion to pursue or a new “healthy obsession” are strategies to prevent underage drinking that you might use at home. As Dr. Meyers says, no one gives up drinking for nothing. As a parent, your encouragement of their passion can help your child visualize a bright future that’s theirs for the taking.

CRAFT Can Work to Prevent Relapse

Sometimes our teenagers can show progress, only to return to their problematic ways. Dr. Meyers reminds us in the episode that the most common cause of relapse is negative emotional state. Therefore, if we can help our teenagers find these activities that make them permanently happy, we’ll help them form a lasting resistance to dangerous habits.

By practicing this CRAFT technique and more, we can help even the most at-risk teenager improve and work towards progress. Although helping your teenager heal might feel like an impossible journey, don’t give up! There are so many strategies to prevent underage drinking besides harsh words and punishments.

Overall, it’s showing you care that matters most. If your loved one feels that you care for them, they’ll have a reason to want to get better. If you take the time to understand the reasons behind their behavior and make an effort to communicate and reach out, you’ll form a real connection. This is much more effective than yelling or bickering, which only leads to further distrust between the two of you. As Dr. Meyer’s says, one of you has to change first. As a parent, you’re likely going to be the one taking the initial step.

In the episode, we cover:

• The origins of CRAFT
• The concept of sobriety sampling for drug users
• The stigma in American culture that makes recovery difficult
• Specific ways to talk to your child to ease tension
• The dangers of getting the wrong kind of treatment
• Even more strategies to prevent underage drinking!

Dr. Meyers is here to provide the answers you seek. He’s been researching this topic for over 40 years and has worked with families all over the world. With all of this knowledge under his belt, he is sure to be able to help you with your strategies to prevent underage drinking.

Thanks for listening!