The Thais Gibson Podcast What Happens When a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant Shuts You Out
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When someone you love suddenly shuts down and says “I’m fine,” it can be confusing, painful, and triggering — especially if you know something’s off. In this episode, Thais Gibson and Mike de Zio dive deep into what’s really happening when a dismissive avoidant (DA) or fearful avoidant (FA) pulls away.
They explore how shutting down is rarely about spite or indifference — it’s a subconscious protection strategy. Through personal stories and actionable steps, Thais and Mike explain how to understand these patterns, respond without pushing your partner away, and create safety for honest reconnection.
💡 You’ll Learn:-
Why dismissive and fearful avoidants withdraw when they’re hurt
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The 6 key steps to reconnect without triggering defensiveness
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How to validate your partner’s needs without abandoning your own
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What to say (and not say) when they need space
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How to rebuild communication, empathy, and safety in conflict
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Why clearly expressing your needs is a vital part of healing
00:00 – Intro: Why avoidants “shut down” during conflict
03:00 – Understanding Avoidant Protection Mechanisms
06:10 – Thais’ Past Experience as a Fearful Avoidant
07:45 – Why Avoidants Retreat When Hurt
09:03 – Emotional Safety vs. Pressure in Relationships
11:00 – How to Support a Dismissive Avoidant Without Overstepping
13:05 – The Power of Asking Gentle Questions
16:12 – How Opposite Needs Create Miscommunication
19:00 – Is It Okay to Sleep on an Argument?
21:15 – Reassurance, Timing, and the Hybrid Approach
22:30 – Step 1: Approach Them With Sensitivity
24:45 – Step 2: Offer Support Without Pressure
27:00 – Step 3: “Timebox” the Conversation
30:19 – Step 4: How to Reconnect When They’re Ready
33:10 – Step 5: Communicate Needs Clearly & Calmly
36:00 – Step 6: Take Your Own Needs Into Account
38:00 – Why Communicating Your Needs Builds Emotional Safety
41:00 – Healthy Conflict vs. Avoidance
44:30 – How Validation and Compromise Foster Secure Attachment
46:00 – Final Reflections: Reconnecting After Withdrawal
Avoidants don’t shut you out because they don’t care — they do it because vulnerability feels unsafe. The more you understand their patterns and communicate your own needs clearly, the faster you both can reconnect from a place of empathy, not defense.
🎙️ Meet Your Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over 70,000 students worldwide, she’s a global expert in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and emotional intelligence.
📚 Helpful Resources:
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📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love
🎧 More Podcast Episodes
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Remember: Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest — sometimes, it’s protection. Learn how to bridge the gap with compassion and clarity. 💗