Your Confidence Controls The Outcome

How much influence do you really have over your life? More than you think.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores the direct connection between your confidence and the results you create. Whether it’s in social interactions, your career, or personal growth, hesitation and fear hold you back while boldness and self-trust open doors.

Through a powerful real-life example, you’ll see how the way you think shapes your experiences and the hidden ways self-doubt limits your success. Are you playing to win, or just trying not to fail? Tune in to discover how shifting your mindset can radically change your results.

 

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What if I told you that the key to changing your life, whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal goals, lies in how you show up with confidence? No, I’m not suggesting that you can control everything or that if you just get your confidence “right,” you’ll always get what you want. But here’s the truth: Your confidence has more power over your outcomes than you realize.

Let’s break down why this is, how it works, and how you can start taking control of your life right now.

The Fear That Holds You Back

Here’s what most people don’t want to admit: Confidence is a choice, and often, we choose to avoid it. Why? Because of fear. We fear that we’re not enough—not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough. And when we operate from this place of fear, we avoid the things that challenge us, we make excuses, and we often stay stuck in our comfort zones.

You may have told yourself stories like, “I don’t want to talk to that person; they probably won’t like me anyway,” or “I shouldn’t try that because I might fail and look stupid.” These stories might feel real, but they’re just that—stories. And they keep you from stepping into your true power and potential.

How Confidence Shapes Your Actions

Let me share a story to illustrate this. Recently, I watched my son play his first basketball game of the season. He’s a tall, scrappy 11-year-old who loves the game and plays with enthusiasm at home. But when he got to the game, he froze. His body language said it all—his shoulders were slumped, his arms hung low, and he wasn’t trying to make plays. He was paralyzed by the fear of missing shots or messing up.

I asked him what was going on, and through tears, he admitted, “No one passes to me.” The truth was, his inner critic—his own “Poopy Coach”—was running the show. His body was unconsciously signaling that he wasn’t ready to play, and as a result, his teammates avoided passing him the ball.

This is the same pattern that happens in life when we let our inner critic take over. When you play it safe and avoid risk, you’re not just holding back in one area of life—you’re restricting yourself in every area. The more you fear judgment, failure, or rejection, the more you limit the outcomes you could achieve.

The Key to Transforming Your Confidence

Now, here’s where things get interesting: confidence isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about being willing to take action despite it. It’s about saying, “Yes, I’m scared. But I’m still going to try.”

For my son, I helped him see that missing a shot doesn’t define him. I suggested that he try to take more shots in the next game, even if they didn’t go in. The goal wasn’t to make every shot; the goal was to get comfortable with failure—because each time he takes a shot, win or lose, his confidence grows.

This is where you can start to make the same shift in your life. Stop focusing on avoiding failure and start focusing on making progress. It's not about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing your best.

Take More Shots in Your Life

So, here’s your action step: What shots can you take this week? What risks are you avoiding? Is it speaking up in a meeting? Is it reaching out to someone you’ve been afraid to talk to? Is it stepping up and taking charge of your career or relationships?

The next time you feel the urge to hold back, ask yourself, “What would I do if I had the confidence to act?” Then, take that action—even if it’s uncomfortable. Your confidence grows each time you act despite fear.

And most importantly, remember: If you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re learning. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about embracing the journey and trusting that with each step, you’re getting better, stronger, and more capable.

Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Take Control

The truth is that your confidence is the key to your success. It’s not a magic fix, and it’s not about avoiding discomfort. But if you’re willing to show up, take the shots, and keep going, you’ll find that the outcomes you want in life are closer than you think.

So, step up. Own your confidence. And watch as you start to control the outcomes in your life.

Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know deep down, that you are awesome.