Understanding Polyamory

Understanding Polyamory

An interview with Dana McNeil, LMFT, about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Curt and Katie talk with Dana about the basics that every therapist should understand about polyamory. We cover some of the vocabulary, the values and perspectives within the polyamory community, as well as the biases many therapists hold and what therapists often get wrong when working with polyamorous clients. 

It’s time to reimagine therapy and what it means to be a therapist. To support you as a whole person and a therapist, your hosts, Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy talk about how to approach the role of therapist in the modern age.

Interview with Dana McNeil Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Co-Founder of Confident Couples Therapist

Dana McNeil is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and is the founder The Relationship Place, a group practice located in San Diego, California. Dana’s practice specializes in couples’ therapy and utilizes an evidence-based type of couples’ therapy which is known as the Gottman Method. Dana is a certified Gottman Method therapist and Bringing Home Baby instructor. Dana’s practice works with all types of relationship issues from pre-marital counseling, dealing with the aftermath of extramarital affairs, partners working through addiction recovery, military deployed families, parents of special needs children, LGBTQ, and polyamorous clients.

Dana has been featured on many relationship podcasts and in publications such as the Business Insider, Authority Magazine, Eat This-Not That, Parade, Oprah Living, Martha Stewart Living, Ladders, AARP, and is the resident relationship expert on the Cox Communications show “I Do.”

Dana is also the co-founder of Confident Couples Therapist, a consultation and training program. She and her partner Nancy Ryan teach the tips and techniques to build a successful cash pay practice working with couples.

In this episode we talk about:

• Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy (ENM)
• The faulty assumption that therapists don’t have skills to work with polyamorous clients
• The complexity of the non-monogamous relationships
• Jealousy versus compersion
• Metamour, Polycule, and new relationship energy
• The goals and aspirations within the polyamorous community
• The underlying reasons for entering into polyamorous relationships
• The poly identity and lifestyle
• Typical biases therapists hold related to ethical non-monogamy
• The difference between boundaries and rules and agreements
• The negative tone that can express bias to client
• Dana’s use of the Gottman method with ENM clients
• The reality of how ENM relationships – emotional and practical logistics
• The importance of transparency, clear communication within these relationships
• Considerations related to when members of the polycule are parents, who and how they are introduced to children
• Sex, fluid bonding, protection and testing
• Swingers have sex as sport, open relationships are sexual, poly relationships may be for love and romance and not sex
• The stigma and misunderstanding that these individuals may face