Gentle Power 25. Don’t say “fair” or “generous” in negotiations
In this episode, we unpack the exact words and phrases that quietly tank negotiations, and what to say instead. A recent study conducted by Neil Rackham shows skilled negotiators use far fewer “irritator words” like “fair,” “reasonable,” and “generous,” because those labels backfire.
We cover:
The “irritator words” to avoid based on the study (“fair offer,” “reasonable,” “generous”) and simple, better substitutes
Irritator words that we have observed from our experience and what to say instead
A kinder, stronger deflection than “I’m not comfortable sharing that” (for salary questions, competing offers, etc.)
How to ask for details or a written summary without sounding distrustful (skip “can you put that in writing?”)
When to hold your line without giving numbers or ranges, and still preserve rapport
A quick behavioral nudge you can use (the “because” effect) without being manipulative
We also share:
Gerta’s negotiation training roots (MIT/Harvard) and why behavioral science runs our playbook
The odd “eyes on the coffee jar” study and what it teaches about human behavior
Tune in to learn the subtle wording tweaks that protect your leverage, keep rapport intact, and help you land better outcomes without sounding adversarial.
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