353. Connor Beaton: How To Keep Your Sex Life Alive
Jan 31, 2024
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Connor Beaton, expert in men's work and founder of Mantalks, explores topics such as keeping the sex life alive in long-term relationships, the prevalence of sexual content and addiction, understanding sexual boredom, embracing emotional vulnerability, the effects of social media stimulation, and overcoming loneliness and improving impulse control.
Regulating the nervous system is an underrated skill that sets men apart and helps them handle conflicts authentically.
Replacing negative coping mechanisms with generative habits improves impulse control, discipline, self-confidence, and fosters growth.
Finding a safe and supportive space to open up about struggles and emotions leads to transformative results and healthier relationships.
Deep dives
The importance of regulating your nervous system
One of the most underrated qualities a man can possess is the ability to regulate his nervous system. In a world dominated by social media and technology, knowing how to stay calm and grounded is crucial. By learning to stay collected and grounded in heated situations, men can handle conflicts with partners, family, or at work in an authentic way. This skill of regulating the nervous system is often overlooked, but it can be a powerful superpower that sets men apart from the rest. Prioritizing this skill in your 20s will make you a grounded and composed man by the time you reach your 30s.
Replacing coping mechanisms with generative habits
One practical way to improve one's life is by replacing negative coping mechanisms with generative habits. Many men struggle with impulse control and find themselves engaging in unhealthy behaviors to cope with stress or negative emotions. By actively choosing one coping mechanism to replace with a generative habit, such as breathwork, meditation, or exercise, men can begin to regain control over their lives. This shift not only improves impulse control and discipline, but also fosters self-confidence and a sense of growth and improvement.
The power of transparency and finding support
Men often carry pain and negative self-talk in silence, which can have detrimental effects on their mental health and overall well-being. A crucial step toward healing and personal growth is to find a safe and supportive space where men can be transparent about their experiences and emotions. Whether it's through therapy, counseling, or joining a men's group, seeking professional help and connecting with others who have similar experiences can lead to powerful transformations. Cultivating vulnerability, opening up about internal struggles, and receiving support from trusted individuals can be life-changing.
The impact of shifting impulse control and coping mechanisms
Shifting impulse control and replacing negative coping mechanisms with generative habits can drastically improve a man's life. Whether it's quitting pornography, overcoming addiction, or changing self-destructive behaviors, choosing healthier alternatives allows for personal growth and development. This shift requires commitment, accountability, and often professional guidance. By practicing impulse control and embracing generative habits, men can build discipline, self-confidence, and emotional resilience, ultimately creating a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
The benefits of addressing emotional pain and inner dialogue
Acknowledging and addressing emotional pain and negative self-talk is a vital step towards personal growth and healing. Men are often hesitant to open up about their struggles and inner dialogue due to fear of judgment or stigma. However, finding a safe space to discuss and explore these issues, whether through therapy, counseling, or support groups, can lead to transformative results. By seeking help and sharing their experiences, men can reframe their inner dialogue, develop self-compassion, and cultivate healthier relationships with themselves and others.