Stop Worrying about What People Think of You w/ Michael Gervais
Apr 4, 2024
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Join Scott as he chats with Michael Gervais, a top sports psychologist, about overcoming FOPO, transitioning from performance-based identities to purpose-driven ones, navigating social interactions, managing sensitivity, conquering rejection fears in relationships, and choosing authenticity for personal growth.
Having a performance-based identity can lead to a deep fear of other people's opinions (FOPO) as one's identity is closely tied to how well they perform relative to others.
Transitioning from a performance-based to a purpose-based identity can serve as a powerful off-ramp from FOPO, shifting focus towards aligning actions with deeply held values.
FOPO encompasses anticipation, checking, and responding phases, reflecting a fear of others' opinions and leading to actions like conforming or disconnecting based on perceived feedback.
Deep dives
Understanding performance-based identity
Having a performance-based identity can lead to a deep fear of other people's opinions (FOPO) as one's identity is closely tied to how well they perform relative to others. This can create a constant worry about acceptance and rejection, especially in situations like public speaking where one's identity feels at stake based on external validation.
Transitioning to a purpose-based identity
Transitioning from a performance-based to a purpose-based identity can serve as a powerful off-ramp from FOPO. By focusing on a clear sense of purpose that transcends personal performance and is about contributing to something greater than oneself, individuals can shift their focus away from seeking external validation and towards aligning their actions with their deeply held values.
Exploring the anticipation, checking, and responding phases of FOPO
FOPO encompasses three key phases: anticipation, checking, and responding. The anticipation phase involves internal speculation about potential approval or rejection from others, while the checking phase is marked by constant monitoring of body language and cues for reassurance. The responding phase manifests in actions like conforming, confronting, or disconnecting based on perceived feedback, reflecting a deep-seated fear of others' opinions.
Overcoming Fear of Rejection in Romantic Contexts
The podcast delves into the speaker's personal experience in his 20s, highlighting a common fear among young men of approaching women. This fear is described as FOAW (fear of approaching women) and FOPO (fear of women's opinion). The discussion revolves around developing self-esteem independent of external validation, emphasizing the importance of embracing vulnerability and intimacy in romantic interactions.
Empowering Inner Self-Coach for Personal Growth
The episode explores the concept of self-coaching and developing an inner sense of support and encouragement. Drawing parallels from sports coaching, the importance of aligning thoughts, words, and actions with personal values is emphasized. By nurturing a positive and supportive inner dialogue, individuals can navigate challenges, improve self-awareness, and cultivate resilience in the face of social pressures and self-doubt.
This week Scott is joined by one of the world's foremost sports psychologists, Michael Gervais. Scott and Michael discuss FOPO (Fear of People's Opinions), the importance of grounding your actions in authenticity, and the dangers of performance-based identities.
