Curiouser and curiouser 'you don't owe anyone anything' & the friendship crisis
Jan 21, 2026
A look at the friendship crisis and how boundary advice mutated into isolation. Discussion of when cutting people off is growth versus convenience. Critique of wellness slogans and therapy-speak used to justify selfishness. Concerns about algorithmic self-care and AI chatbots replacing messy human connection. Suggestions for low-effort rituals and using friends to protect your peace.
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Slogans Lose Their Nuance
- Internet slogans like "you don't owe anyone anything" started as helpful advice but went universal and lost nuance.
- Leonie Dams notes this shift made boundary-talk a catch-all that can justify selfishness or isolation.
Peace Rebranded As Productivity
- Protecting your peace often became individualistic self-optimization rather than genuine rest.
- Leonie argues many creators repackaged solitude as productivity and status, not true healing.
Saying No To The Safe People
- Leonie shares her pattern of saying no mostly to close friends while still overextending elsewhere.
- She realised she was protecting herself with the people she loved instead of where it mattered.