This episode is about healing sexual blocks in relationships. Today’s callers, Adam & Reanna, want to heal past trauma and have a healthy sex life together. I guide them through an exploration process. This session is useful even if there is no trauma in your past; It is an intimate process that brings couples closer together. And, because in many ways sex is something still taboo to talk about, and often shamed, I want to normalize the conversation.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode325]
Many times, we think men are the ones who want more sex but it's not gender, sexual identity, or sexual orientation specific. It is life-experience specific. Our experiences impact our sex life. There isn’t a childhood trauma that doesn't impact our sex life, even if there is no sexual abuse. Any kind of childhood trauma impacts our emotional, mental, financial, and sex life.
We often forget about intimacy and what a turn-on intimacy can be, even when we are dating. Our bodies talk to us. Especially as women, if we do not feel safe in our emotional body, our physical body will give us signs. And, many of the blocks in couples’ sex lives arise because they aren't reaching the levels of deeper emotional intimacy.
Having healthy sexuality is more than just having a good sex life. It is about feeling comfortable in your body, enjoying the sensual experiences of life, and knowing what your turn-ons are. When it comes to sex many of us consider the performance and pleasing the other person versus what feels good.
Healthy sex is about feeling alive and vital and creative. We don't need a partner to have great sexuality and a great sex life. Sexuality and sex is about more than the physical act. It is an energetic experience.
Get my free 2-part Sacred Union process at ChristineHassler.com/SacredUnion. If you are in a relationship or you are your own beloved this is a great process to increase intimate connection in your life.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Do you have sexual trauma or any other type of trauma that shows up in relationships?
- Is sex hard for you? Do you mentally want to be able to do it but when it comes to the physical act your body just shuts down and you experience trauma triggers?
- Are you someone who may have an overactive sex drive, sexual compulsion, sexual addiction, or do you look to sex to fill a void?
- Does your sex life in your relationship feel stagnant or that it needs some improvement or do you feel stuck?
Adam & Reanna’s Question:
Adam & Reanna have sexual issues affecting their relationship. They would like guidance on how to have a healthy emotional and physical relationship together.
Reanna’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- Her mother didn’t talk with her about sex.
- She had a teacher be physically inappropriate with her.
- She was in a long-term relationship with a controlling person.
- She has trauma, shame, domestic violence, and PTSD in her life.
- She wants to do the work to have a healthy relationship with Adam.
Adam’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- He is frustrated because he wants to help Reanna heal.
- He wants Reanna to want to have sex with him.
- He sometimes thinks he is addicted to sex.
- He does not always feel worthy. He relies on physical intimacy to replace emotional intimacy.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Continue counseling and somatic therapy.
- Slowly and gently explore each other. Take baby steps to intimacy.
- Practice communicating their needs during the exploration process.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Christine on Facebook
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristinHassler on Twitter
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
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Life Coaching with Christine Hassler