Reimagining Love

Family of Origin Roles Series: The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate)

Jan 7, 2025

Explore the role of the 'struggling one' in family systems and how it shapes our relationships. Discover the emotional burdens and strengths that come from this dynamic, along with the importance of self-advocacy. Delve into the impact of upbringing on adult behaviors and the need for healthy boundaries. Uncover ways to embrace growth through challenges and cultivate gratitude amid struggles. This insight-packed discussion encourages self-reflection and personal development while fostering empathy for oneself and others.

52:30

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Quick takeaways

Understanding the 'struggling one' role reveals how early family dynamics shape adult behaviors, affecting self-worth and relationship dynamics.

Embracing personal narratives and utilizing frameworks like Spoon Theory can empower individuals to manage their energy and foster self-advocacy.

Deep dives

Understanding the Struggling One Role

The concept of the 'struggling one' role within family dynamics is explored, highlighting how early family experiences shape adult behaviors and perceptions. Individuals labeled as the 'struggling one' often took on the burden of perceived problems, becoming the focus of family attention and care. This can manifest in various forms such as mental health issues, disabilities, or other challenges that disrupt the norm within a family unit. Understanding this role is crucial for personal growth and improving relationships, as it sheds light on the internalized beliefs and behaviors carried into adulthood.

Intro

3min

The Struggles Within: Family Dynamics of the 'Struggling One'

21min

Navigating Family Dynamics as the 'Struggling One'

23min

Navigating Expectations and Embracing Growth

2min

Embracing Struggles: Gratitude and Self-Advocacy

4min

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). Tune in on the first two Tuesdays of each month to learn about how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it!

We’re taking a look at “The Struggling One” role in today’s episode. In some families, there is an individual who needs more care and attention than others. There are a number of reasons why this might be the case, including a difference in ability, a behavioral challenge, or a mental health condition. In any case, the “struggling one” is the recipient of a lot of the family system’s energy, and this dynamic may lead to certain challenges and strengths for that person in adulthood. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Struggling One can embark on their healing journey.

Relevant links:

Minorities Less Likely to Be Identified for Special Education, Study Finds (EducationWeek)

‘Boys are disappearing’ from mental health care as signs of depression go undetected (NBC News)

Girls With Social and/or Attention Deficit Re-Examined in Young Adulthood: Prospective Study of Diagnostic Stability, Daily Life Functioning and Social Situation (National Library of Medicine)

The "Spoon Theory" (Christine Miserandino, www.butyoudontlooksick.com)

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Reimagining Love: “Tending to ‘Little You’ & Exploring Your Family of Origin”

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article

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