Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families #1014 - The Peace Keeper & The People Pleaser
Conflict is a normal, natural part of every healthy relationship, but sometimes our children can become fearful and anxious when parents argue. You can have more productive arguments and model healthy conflict resolution by focusing on the quality of the interaction—the regulation—rather than the resolution itself.
Brittany asks, "How do you teach empathy without creating a people-pleaser?"
We want our children to be helpful, kind, and considerate of others, but not at the expense of their own wellbeing or with unhealthy levels of self-sacrifice. There are three things you can teach your child to prevent them from becoming people-pleasers.
In this episode:
- When children become concerned and try to keep the peace between parents
- Be attentive to your child's worries
- Is it ever ok to argue in front of the kids?
- Examples of unhealthy conflict
- Respectful, productive conflict
- How to focus on regulation over resolution (4 things to model)
- John Gottman, Esther Perez
- People-pleasing VS empathy, consideration of others
- Where does your child get their value or sense of identity from?
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