177: Advocating for Diligent Parents Called “Weak Links”
Nov 27, 2023
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Valerie and Nathan discuss the fundamental importance of parental influence, concerns about fear and guilt tactics used in the church, and the need for understanding stages of faith development. They explore reasons why parents in LDS faith crisis found Elder Godoy's talk painful and reframe the concept of 'weak links' and 'strong links'. They emphasize the harm of rigidity, guilt, and fear tactics on weary parents and call for empathy in parenting during LDS faith journey.
35:46
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Quick takeaways
Understanding stages of faith development is crucial for offering context and grace instead of judgment.
Guilt and fear-based motivation are ineffective tools for promoting lasting behavioral change and spiritual growth.
Deep dives
The Impact of Elder Godoy's Talk on Parents
In this podcast episode, the hosts discuss the impact of Elder Carlos A. Godoy's talk 'For the Sake of Your Posterity' from the October 2023 general conference. They share their personal reflections and struggles as parents of four children and how this talk brought up emotions and trauma related to their experiences as active members raising their children in the LDS church. They highlight a breakdown in communication and different points of view that arose during a car ride discussion about the talk. They emphasize the importance of open dialogue in their marriage, revealing the emotional activation caused by the talk's implications. They express concerns about the talk's one-size-fits-all paradigm, where the talk implies that leaving the church leads to chaos and negatively impacts posterity. They question the assumption that departing from a structured faith system always results in regression and emphasize the complexity of faith development stages. They also critique the talk's use of guilt and fear as motivators, like the notion that leaving the church leads to a soulless and chaotic life. They argue that fear and shame are ineffective tools for promoting lasting behavioral change and spiritual growth.
Guilt and Fear as Motivation in Elder Godoy's Talk
The hosts examine the use of guilt and fear as motivating factors in Elder Godoy's talk. They present various quotes from the talk that employ guilt and fear appeals. These appeals include warnings about lost promises, negative spiritual impacts, and potentially losing children in this life and eternity. The hosts discuss how these appeals can create anxiety and feelings of inadequacy in parents grappling with faith crises or expansions. They question the effectiveness of guilt and fear in driving lasting behavioral change and highlight that fear-based motivation often leads to individuals becoming smaller and less of who they can become. They argue for the importance of promoting growth-oriented motivation rooted in love, connection, and inclusivity. They also express concern about the one-size-fits-all approach present in the talk, which fails to recognize individual experiences and complexities within faith journeys.
Critiquing the Church's Approach to Faith Crisis
The hosts critique the Church's approach to addressing faith crises and spiritual growth. They highlight the talk's conflation of the Church with God, noting the dangers of equating questions and growth with a lack of faith or disconnection from God. They argue that this narrow perspective limits individuals' potential for finding God and spiritual fulfillment outside the LDS Church. They emphasize the importance of embracing diverse spiritual paths and rejecting exclusionary beliefs that only one true way exists. The hosts also discuss the burden placed on parents who are already seeking to do their best. They assert that the Church should provide a safe space for growth and development, rather than using guilt, fear, and shame to discourage individual and systemic evolution. Additionally, they challenge the Church's resistance to addressing challenging topics and engaging with the faith crisis experiences of its members.
Hurtful Implications for Parents and Families
The hosts delve into the reasons why Elder Godoy's talk was particularly hurtful for many parents. They express how the talk's message of potential harm to children and negative impact on future generations stirs anxiety and feelings of not measuring up as parents. They criticize the lack of understanding and empathy displayed towards parents seeking deeper meaning in their religious experiences and reconnection with personal values. The hosts highlight the talk's failure to acknowledge the complex nature of individual faith journeys and the transformative potential of skepticism and growth-oriented questioning. They argue that the talk's fear-inducing and guilt-driven approach discourages growth and development, fails to promote inclusivity, and perpetuates an us-versus-them mentality. They emphasize the need for a more progressive and compassionate approach from the Church in supporting individuals on their spiritual paths.
Series Title: Exploration of GC Address ‘For the Sake of Your Posterity’ by E. Godoy [Part I of II]
In this episode Valerie and Nathan discuss Elder Godoy's talk 'For the Sake of Your Posterity'. In this episode they focus on the following:
Support of the fundamental importance of the influence of parents
Deep concerns about fear and guilt tactics used to motivate behavior of church members
The importance of understanding stages of faith development to offer context and grace instead of judgment
Friday's part two of this conversation covers the following:
Several reasons why parents in LDS faith crisis found this address particularly painful
Val and Nathan's personal experiences as parents navigating parenthood from both perspectives and their reframing of the concept of "weak links" and "strong links"
An invitation to the idea that parents considered “weak links” are actually practicing extreme courage and strength in changing their parenting techniques to fit the unique spiritual needs of themselves and their families.
The series explores the potential harm that rigidity, guilt, and fear tactics have on weary and vulnerable parents wrestling with deep spiritual questions. Join Valerie and Nathan this week as they call for a more empathetic approach to parenting in the context of LDS faith journey.Info on how to subscribe to listen to Friday’s episode is directly below. See you there!
