In this enlightening conversation, Ian Leslie, author of "Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes," challenges the common aversion to conflict. He explains how disagreement can enhance communication and strengthen relationships, much like exercise does for muscles. Ian debunks myths surrounding difficult conversations, advocating for emotional engagement and personal communication. He highlights the crucial role of trust and respect in navigating conflicts, framing them as opportunities for growth and understanding rather than destructive forces.
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insights INSIGHT
Conflict's Importance
Many dislike conflict and avoid it in various settings.
However, lack of conflict can hinder productivity and critical thinking.
insights INSIGHT
The Role of Emotions
One popular approach to productive conflict is eliminating emotion.
However, emotions are integral to thinking and can enhance arguments.
insights INSIGHT
Conflict and Relationships
Conflicts often revolve around relationships, not just facts.
How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes
Ian Leslie
In this book, Ian Leslie explores what happens when we argue, why disagreements make us stressed and angry, and why we urgently need to transform our approach to conflict. Drawing on advice from experts in conflict and communication, including relationship scientists, hostage negotiators, and diplomats, Leslie proposes clear principles to make difficult dialogues more productive. He argues that productive disagreement is crucial for success in shared enterprises, from marriages to businesses and democracies, and that it can make us smarter, more creative, and closer together.
A lot of people really dislike conflict and have a low opinion of it. They're uncomfortable with disagreements at the office, think there's no room for contention at church, worry that fighting with their partner means their relationship is destined to dissolve, and generally feel that heated arguments tear communities apart.
My guest today, Ian Leslie, used to be one of these conflict-averse people. But as he discovered in researching his new book, Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes, conflict not only brings us together, the lack of it, he says, just plain makes us stupider. Today on the show, Ian and I discuss why people get the idea that conflict is unproductive from watching online arguments and why these flame wars aren't actually indicative of the value of arguing offline. We then delve into this surprising value, from the way conflict makes us smarter, to how couples who have heated arguments are actually happier. Ian unpacks some of the myths around difficult conversations, such as the idea that they have to be done in a strictly rational and unemotional way to be fruitful, and he offers ways to approach conflict that will make it more productive, especially remembering to always prioritize the relationship above all.
The Art of Manliness 
