Making Polyamory Work Should You Start Out Open or Closed?
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Nov 25, 2025 Libby tackles a hot topic: should you start a new relationship open or closed? She emphasizes the importance of clarifying intentions to avoid hidden assumptions. Starting with monogamy can lead to resentment if values get sacrificed. Opening an established monogamous relationship is tricky and requires hard work. Libby encourages developing negotiation skills early on, yet stresses that being open doesn't necessitate immediate dating. She also suggests time-bound experiments to explore preferences, balancing alignment with growth.
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Clarify Intentions Up Front
- Clarify intentions with your partner before building a relationship together.
- Ask what each of you wants now and in the long term so you avoid hidden mismatches.
Monogamy Hides Critical Questions
- Starting monogamous to feel safe can hide many unasked questions and assumptions.
- Those unspoken defaults become a fragile foundation for future non-monogamy.
Joel Sells His Piano
- Libby recounts a scene from Somebody Somewhere where Joel gives up his piano for his partner's baby grand.
- Joel later feels grief for folding on important parts of himself for the relationship.