Episode Highlights With Dr. Frank Anderson

What IFS is and how it differs from other types of therapies
His personal trauma history that started at age 6
Why he isn’t a fan of differentiating “big T” and “little t” trauma
Why don’t we need to forgive in order to heal and why he calls it the F-word
How early childhood experiences with our caregivers can have a strong, lasting impact, even if they aren’t big moments of trauma or abuse
Many therapies push forgiveness too early — he recommends healing and then forgiveness
Neglect is the silent wound that can be hardest to notice and heal
Release the energy and the pain first and then decide about forgiveness
When it is ok to choose not to forgive
His own shocking experience with forgiveness and his dad
Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner is yourself
It is hard to forgive yourself if you are holding resentment toward another person
The four “Ts” of trauma healing: Thank, Trust, Transform, Takeback
Releasing trauma vs. managing trauma
How to take back your power after you release trauma
Our choice: repeat the pattern, repress it, or heal from it
When we experience trauma, we experience the feeling of being the victim but also absorb the energy of the perpetrator, and when we have kids, both can show up, so when we feel hurt, we can perpetrate in the way we were perpetrated upon
When you have an intense reaction, it is about you and not about your kid
Every time we lose it, our kids lose a safe parent

Resources We Mention

McKinsey: EV pains subside while driver-assist becomes a ‘differentiator’