Ep 19 - Kink, Non-Monogamy & Redefining Relationships with CJ from No Shame with CJ

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Feb 19, 2025

Dive into the complexities of kink and non-monogamy as CJ shares insights on ethical non-monogamy and the importance of language in relationships. Explore the differences between polyamory and solo poly, and discover strategies for navigating jealousy and possessiveness. CJ recounts their journey through long-distance dynamics and the impact of open communication. Find out how kink can bridge needs and enhance intimacy, all while challenging conventional relationship structures. Unpack the beautiful messiness of crafting relationships on your own terms.

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INSIGHT

Language Defines Relationship Styles

Language shapes relationship understanding; ask what terms mean to each person.
CJ prefers “consensual non-monogamy” and cautions against assumed ethics without context.

ADVICE

Ask What Labels Mean

Never assume shared meaning when someone uses a label like “kinky.”
Ask clarifying questions to learn their specific interests and boundaries.

INSIGHT

Solo Polycenters Self

Solo poly centers the self as primary partner and avoids traditional coupling.
It’s a deliberate choice to prioritize independence while engaging others romantically.

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In this episode, I sit down with CJ from No Shame with CJ to dive into the complexities of kink, non-monogamy, and redefining relationship norms. As a fellow sex and relationship coach, CJ brings a unique perspective on what it means to explore ethical non-monogamy and how the language we use around relationships shapes our experiences.

We unpack the differences between polyamory and non-monogamy, the challenges of navigating jealousy, and how to build relationship dynamics that actually work for you instead of just following traditional expectations.

CJ shares how their own journey into non-monogamy and power exchange has evolved over time, from navigating long-distance relationships to integrating new partners while maintaining strong foundations. We talk about the idea of being “monogamish” and how some people choose monogamy while still engaging in kink outside their relationship, challenging the assumption that one structure fits all.

If you’ve ever questioned your relationship style, struggled with jealousy, or felt pressure to conform to certain labels, this episode is packed with insights on how to unlearn outdated narratives and create relationships on your own terms.

Episode Highlights:

01:52 Understanding Ethical Non-Monogamy

04:00 Defining Polyamory and Solo Poly

22:27 Jealousy and Possessiveness in Relationships

28:00 Open Communication in Relationships

32:39 Exploring Kink and Boundaries

37:09 Authenticity and Self-Discovery

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Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.

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