Episode 428: What People Get Wrong About BDSM

18 snips

Sep 2, 2025

Alicia Walker and Arielle Kuperberg, both sociology professors and co-authors of "Bound by BDSM," explore the fascinating world of kink. They debunk myths surrounding BDSM, emphasizing that it's not solely about sex or trauma. The discussion reveals the emotional benefits and community aspects of BDSM, shedding light on how consent and trust are fundamental. They also touch on why BDSM is notably prevalent in the LGBTQ+ community and discuss the wide spectrum of practices beyond common stereotypes.

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INSIGHT

BDSM Is Diverse And Consent-Centered

BDSM is a broad set of consensual practices involving power exchange, not just “whips and chains.”
Arielle Kuperberg emphasizes consent and varied practices beyond stereotypical media portrayals.

INSIGHT

BDSM Offers Nonsexual Psychological Benefits

Practitioners report benefits beyond sexual gratification like identity, confidence, creativity, and community.
Arielle Kuperberg and Alicia Walker found BDSM often improves communication and close social networks.

ADVICE

Join Community Events To Build Social Support

Attend local munches or play parties to build community and meet practitioners.
Alicia Walker notes active community involvement yields many more close friends and resources.

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Is kink just about whips and chains? Is it always about sex? Is everyone who’s into kink working through some type of trauma? In today’s show, we’re diving into the science of BDSM and debunking common myths about it. We’ll unpack what kink really looks like in practice, how consent and trust are at its core, and what it is that really draws people to BDSM in the first place.

I am joined by Alicia Walker and Arielle Kuperberg. Alicia is an associate professor of sociology at Missouri State University and the author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife as well as Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity. Arielle is an associate professor of sociology at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County. Together, they are co-authors of the new book Bound by BDSM: Unexpected lessons for building a happier life.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What are some of the biggest things people get wrong about kink and BDSM?
What might people get out of BDSM besides (or in addition to) sexual fulfillment?
How do people typically find their way into BDSM?
What’s the role of community in BDSM?
Why is kink more prevalent in among LGBTQ+ persons?

You can click here to order Alicia and Arielle’s new book.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.