Elevator Systems - Bowen Family Systems Theory

S3 Ep9 Kids with Challenges with Devana Weiss

Sep 2, 2025

Devana Weiss, a licensed counselor and clinical supervisor with nearly two decades of experience in Bowen family systems theory, joins the hosts to discuss parenting children with challenges. She highlights the significant impact of parental worry on children and the necessity of maintaining clarity amidst struggles. The conversation includes insights on family dynamics, using analogies like gardening and references from the film 'CODA.' Devana also explores the nuances of selective eating and the collaborative roles of family and professionals in fostering supportive environments.

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INSIGHT

Worry Shapes The Relationship

Caregiver worry profoundly shapes a child with challenges and their relationship over time.
Devana Weiss says the caregiver's job is to notice intensity, respond steadily, and allow emotional separateness.

INSIGHT

Who Has The Problem?

Bowen theory highlights differentiation: who has the problem and where one person ends and another begins.
A clear, realistic estimate of self helps families decide who can be strong when tension rises.

ADVICE

Notice And Modulate Your Intensity

Notice your sensitivity and intensity when you perceive needs in your child and track your responses over time.
Modulate your reactions to be steady enough for the situation rather than driven by immediate anxiety.

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Welcome to Elevator Systems! In this episode we are looking at a Bowen family systems theory perspective on relationships with kids with challenges. Joining hosts Dixie Vandersluys and Katie White is fellow Living Systems colleague Devana Weiss who brings personal and professional experience to this topic.

Devana Weiss is a licensed counsellor in private practise, a clinical supervisor, and a faculty member with Living Systems. She has been studying and practicing Bowen family systems theory for almost 20 years. She is married and a mother to three children, one of whom has developmental disabilities. She has lived experience navigating the medical and school systems and enjoys assisting parents and caregivers who face similar challenges.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

The impact that worry has on a child with challenges and their relationships
The importance of recognizing what is within one’s control as a parent and responding with steadiness, clear thinking and guiding principles during tough times
The pattern of over and under-functioning and how Bowen theory is useful for assessing facts and needs and what kind of help is helpful
The role of siblings and the whole family system in managing challenge
Examples include: an analogy from a garden, the movie CODA, dinner time struggles, and how parents and professionals can manage their own anxiety

For any professional, family member, or friend in relationship with a child with a challenge, this episode offers a unique perspective on what it means to be a resource.

Terms you don’t understand? We have episodes on all 8 concepts of Bowen theory and other ideas in Elevator Systems Seasons 1 & 2.

Recommended Resources:

The Murray Bowen Archives Project

Catherine M. Rakow: Making Sense of Human Life
Dr. Michael E. Kerr: Bowen Theory’s Secrets (epilogue chapter)
Parent Hope Project specific episodes:

Co-Regulation or Self-Regulation in Parenting

New podcast episodes released every Tuesday this season—stay tuned as we explore relationships across the lifespan!

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Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and comment.

Living Systems Counselling and Training provides educational material for those interested in learning more about Bowen family systems theory: https://livingsystems.ca

Living Systems Hybrid Conference: October 17–18, 2025

Conference theme: Aging—Individual Challenge or Family Opportunity?

Learn more: https://livingsystems.ca/education/conferences/fall-2025-conference-on-aging/

Key Topics:#BowenFamilySystems #LivingSystems #MurrayBowen #Therapy #SystemsThinking #Family #Parenting #Parents #Children #Kids #KidswithChallenges #SpecialNeeds #Disability #Help #Inclusion #Challenges #Resources #Helpfulness #Worry #CODAmovie #TherapyPodcast #Neurotypical #Neurodivergent #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Relationships #DifferentiationOfSelf #Differentiation #BowenTheory #ElevatorSystems #FamilySystemsTheory #ElevatorSystemsPodcast #MurrayBowenArchives #TMBAP #TheMurrayBowenArchivesProject

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is general information about Bowen family systems theory and is not considered the practice of counselling or therapy. The information presented are the views of the people who say them. Any information used from this podcast is used at your own risk.