It’s totally normal and understandable to want privacy around your relationships. Especially in a culture that can be less than understanding towards non-monogamous people.

And, maintaining the social appearance of monogamy (AKA social monogamy), can come at a cost. For some people, maintaining social monogamy can lead to feelings of disconnection and inauthenticity. You can also get into some messy territory around consent and secrecy with your partners, especially if you have different privacy preferences.

We’re not here to tell you how to live your life. We are here to help you navigate these tricky issues, and to help prepare you for the possibility of coming out as non-monogamous in the future.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The concept of default monogamy and how it shapes societal expectations

— The differences between social monogamy, compulsory monogamy, and non-monogamy

— The challenges of maintaining social monogamy while practicing non-monogamy

— The potential impact of secrecy on relationships and personal well-being

— Why it's important to have conversations about relationship visibility early on

— How maintaining social monogamy can reinforce mono-normative structures

— The complexities of coming out as non-monogamous, especially when children are involved

— Why it's crucial to revisit decisions about relationship visibility periodically

— The reality of discrimination against non-monogamous individuals and relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Angela Willey's academic papers on compulsory monogamy

— Elizabeth Emmons' legal paper on monogamy assumptions

— Emily Nagoski's work on desire and relationships

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions