The conversation delves into the evolving perceptions of masculinity amidst societal changes and the aftermath of the #MeToo movement. Personal stories reveal the emotional challenges men face in navigating their identities, from caregiving roles to societal expectations. The impact of digital communities on masculinity and personal reflections on aging provide deeper insights into the complexity of manhood today. Listeners are encouraged to share their own experiences, fostering a community dialogue on modern masculinity.
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Quick takeaways
The podcast highlights the internal conflict many men experience as they navigate evolving standards of masculinity and emotional expression.
Listeners recount their journeys in unlearning toxic masculine behaviors, revealing the deep emotional impacts of traditional gender roles on men's identities.
Deep dives
Navigating Attraction and Friendship
A young man grapples with how to win the affection of women who continually place him in the friend zone. He attempts to align himself with their perspectives, often echoing gender studies lessons, yet feels disillusioned by his inability to connect. His struggle highlights the complexity of understanding women's expressed desires versus their actual preferences in partners. This confusion underscores a larger societal challenge surrounding modern masculinity and relationship dynamics.
Changing Definitions of Manhood
The concept of manhood is undergoing significant transformation, leaving many, including men like Dwayne, feeling awkward and disconnected from traditional expectations. As he reflects on his upbringing and societal norms, Dwayne acknowledges the conflicting messages that define a man's strength and vulnerability. The confusion stems from unclear standards of male behavior, resulting in a palpable pressure to conform while simultaneously seeking to redefine oneself. This internal conflict mirrors a broader crisis in how masculinity is perceived and experienced today.
Challenges of Traditional Masculine Roles
Listeners share their experiences of growing through rigid masculine roles, often facing internal dilemmas around confidence, vulnerability, and societal expectations. Dre discusses his journey from a tough upbringing involving drug dealing to his current legal endeavors, revealing the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. He acknowledges the difficulty in unlearning ingrained behaviors and expectations, exposing the emotional toll this has taken. These narratives reveal how traditional masculine ideals can evolve yet remain deeply entrenched, impacting men's self-images and relationships.
The Impact of Parenthood and Financial Roles
David explores the evolving dynamics of fatherhood and gender roles, having chosen to be a stay-at-home dad while his wife provides financially. Despite his initial choice, he finds fulfillment in parenting is not universally comparable between genders. Many men express dissatisfaction with the societal pressure to succeed and conform to traditional roles, leading to feelings of inadequacy. This complex interplay of expectations shapes their views on masculinity, prompting ongoing discussions about what it means to be a man in today's world.
Six and a half years ago, in the wake of the #MeToo movement, we asked our listeners how they think about manhood–how to be, what’s hard, where they feel lost. Fast forward to 2025, and the norms and trends around manhood are even more varied and complicated. So we thought it would be a good time to revisit the stories from 2018 and provide updates on some of the men we heard from.
If you are a man, or are raising a man, or love a man, and want to share more about what you’re noticing about mixed signals about manhood and masculinity today and where you get stuck, record a voice memo and send it to us at deathsexmoney@slate.com.
Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.
And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com.