Chapter 84: Lori Gottlieb on therapists thoughtfully thrashing thinking theories

Aug 8, 2021

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Do you have a therapist?

Do you meet up with someone on a regular basis to open up, talk about yourself, and get into the weeds of your emotions? Maybe the ones you can articulate, the ones you can’t articulate, the ones you’re angry about having, the ones you’re confused about having.

I started seeing a therapist about 10 years ago.

After the loss of my marriage and my best friend, it was suggested by my parents that I would benefit from seeing a therapist.

I’m embarrassed to admit I said no. “I don’t need a therapist! I don’t have problems! That’s for people with problems! That’s not me!”

Maybe it was the years, decades, generations of stigma and taboos around that word? Therapy. Growing up I never heard about anyone going to therapy except in the context of some desperate, last second attempt to salvage something like a failing marriage at the eleventh hour.

Maybe that’s why I’m talking about it today! I’m very lucky to have a therapist. And proud of it too, I’d say. My wife Leslie is, too. We talk openly about going to therapy with our children. So often, so easily, so quickly, people say, ‘I’ve got to go to workout, I’ve got to go to the gym, I’ve got to run on the treadmill.’ We’re so open about sharing physical self care. But we aren’t nearly as open about mental self care. And that conversation only progresses globally if we keep having conversations like the one we’re about to have today…

So welcome, welcome, welcome. Great to have you here. Thank you for reading all the way down here! Are you new? Are you a 3 Books virgin? If so, you picked a wonderful chapter to begin with. Chapter 84 with Lori Gottlieb. If you like it, we’d love to have you join our community. 3 Books is by and for book lovers, writers, makers, sellers and librarians. The show is a 100% a labor of love and a piece of art with no ads, no sponsors, no promotions, and no interruptions. We’ve got deep values like no book guilt, no book shame, the right to sip, the right to dip. We’re not about reading as a chore, or as a job, or as homework. We’re all about discovering or rediscovering the pure joy of books or deepening the love you already have.

Today I am very excited to share with you a conversation with the one and only Lori Gottlieb.

Do you know Lori Gottlieb?

She’s a psychotherapist and author of the New York Times bestseller, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone which has sold well over a million copies. It’s even being adapted as a television series. She writes the extremely popular weekly column Dear Therapist in The Atlantic. She contributes regularly to The New York Times, has a very popular TED Talk, shared one of the best stories at The Moth ever, and is a member of the Advisory Council for Bring Change To Mind. Finally, she also hosts her own wonderful podcast called Dear Therapists.

As a therapist who writes about therapy, Lori kicks open the door to conversations we need to have.

We are going to talk about finding a therapist, making adult friends, what you should ask instead of ‘how are you?’, how heterosexual women often react to men crying, processing grief, the key ingredient to vulnerability, tennis partners, defining emotions, the voices in our head, the root cause of trauma, why insight is the booby prize of therapy, and, of course, about the wonderful Lori Gottlieb’s three most formative books.

Let’s turn the page into Chapter 84 now …

What You'll Learn:

What is the difference between content and process in therapy?
How do people move through their struggles?
What makes us human at our core?
How can we find ourselves in the stories of others?
How much should we share about ourselves on social media?
What is the importance of authenticity for a writer?
How do therapists use their own humanity to help others?
How should we navigate vulnerability in writing?
How can authors write about their own children without betraying their stories which are their own to tell?
What is true vulnerability?
What are the misconceptions surrounding therapy?
How do you test drive your therapist?
How do we discover our dark side and how can it help us grow as a human being?
What is the beauty of mentor mentee relationships?
Why are adult friendships hard to come by, specifically for men?
Why is it harder for men to be vulnerable?
Why do we apologize when we cry?
What is the danger of labeling feelings?
How can we use our feelings without judgement to make better decisions?
What is the danger of numbing our feelings?
Why should we not talk our kids out of their feelings?
How should we deal with loss and why are the commonly listed stages of grief not necessarily helpful?
How do we grieve better?

You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://www.3books.co/chapters/84

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3 Books is a completely insane and totally epic 22-year-long quest to uncover and discuss the 1000 most formative books in the world. Each chapter discusses the 3 most formative books of an inspiring person. Sample guests include: Brené Brown, David Sedaris, Malcolm Gladwell, George Saunders, Angie Thomas, Daniels, Cheryl Strayed, Rich Roll, Soyoung the Variety Store Owner, Derek the Hype Man, Kevin the Bookseller, Vishwas the Uber Driver, Roxane Gay, David Mitchell, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, Mark Manson, Seth Godin, Judy Blume, and Quentin Tarantino. 3 Books is published on the lunar calendar with each of the 333 chapters dropped on the exact minute of every single full moon all the way up to April 26, 2040. 3 Books is an Apple "Best Of" award-winning show and is 100% non-profit with no ads, no sponsors, no commercials, and no interruptions. 3 Books has 3 clubs including the End of the Podcast Club, the Cover to Cover Club, and the Secret Club, which operates entirely through the mail and is only accessible by calling 1-833-READ-A-LOT. Each chapter is hosted by Neil Pasricha, New York Times bestselling author of 'The Happiness Equation', 'Two-Minute Mornings', and 'The Book of Awesome.' For more info check out: https://www.3books.co