Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting 2870: When A Parent Needs Too Much: What Is Enmeshment and How Does It Hurt A Child? by Dr. Margaret Rutherford
Jan 16, 2026
Explore the emotional minefield of enmeshment in parent-child relationships. Discover how excessive reliance on a child can stifle their independence and foster guilt. Learn about the subtle signs, like constant communication and loyalty expectations, that indicate a lack of boundaries. Hear how Tara Westover's memoir illustrates the impact of enmeshment on curiosity and growth. Finally, find out ways to break this cycle, encouraging parents to seek support and empowering adult children to reclaim their identities.
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Blurred Boundaries Hide Harm
- Enmeshment erases clear boundaries between parent and child and normalizes excessive dependence.
- That closeness can mask harm because outsiders often praise the apparent bond.
Educated: A Family Example
- Tara Westover's family in Educated illustrates extreme enmeshment that restricted schooling and social life.
- Her rebellion led to heavy personal cost as she challenged the family's rules and beliefs.
Children Become Stand-Ins For Parents
- Enmeshed parents recruit children to meet their emotional needs, making children feel responsible for adult problems.
- Children then internalize failure and escalate efforts, creating a lifelong caretaking loop.
