#16: Your Stepchild's Loyalty Conflict - Part 2: Behavior

Dec 17, 2021

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Hello Stepparents! Last week I talked about the background of why kids have an inherent loyalty conflict when it comes to you, the stepparent and their other biological parent. Find the show notes for that episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/15.

And if you haven’t yet listened to that episode, I highly recommend you do so. I shared what’s going on for your stepchild during and after divorce. These insights help you as the stepparent, by understanding how your stepchild feels.

I also reflected that when your stepchild is having big emotions towards you, it’s not personal. They are just trying to cope with what’s going on for them - which is A LOT!

This is not to convince you to condone disrespectful behavior. But often for stepparents understanding the root cause and knowing you’re not being targeted helps you in maintain your cool and to move the dynamic in a productive direction.

I also shared actionable tips you can implement right now to get out of the crossfire. So be sure to check those out.

This week I want to continue this deep dive and move on to discussing the behavior. Find the FULL transcript for this episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/16.

First of all, I want to clarify that when I say behavior, there is no judgement attached to it. It is not good or bad. It just is. And what I mean by behavior is something a person does or says.

In this episode, we’re going to explore both the behavior of the child, but also the behavior of the parents, including you – the stepparent.

Topics Covered:

Several Stepparents Have Reached Out With Concerns About Their Stepchild’s Behavior

- Case Study of a Stepmom to a 3-year-old Stepdaughter

I spoke with a stepmom about her 3-year-old who likes saying “no” and seems to enjoy being bad. The stepmom was worried about her young stepdaughter’s defiance and how much worse things will get if they don’t nip this in the bud.

- Case Study of a Stepmom to a Tween Stepdaughter

I spoke with another stepmom who is concerned about her stepdaughter’s behavior at school. She is hitting peers, acting out, etc. The stepmom is worried that the issue is a lack of discipline and the child just needs to understand that this is not acceptable behavior.

- All Behavior is Communication

4 tips for how to make your stepchild feel seen, heard, and loved

In episode 7 I shared How to Stay Sane in Stepparenting. Find the show notes for that episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/7. And in episode 11 I shared the components of said Stepparenting Sanity Routine. Find the show notes for that episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/11.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. So please drop me a line to share them with me!

Find the FULL transcript for this episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/16.

Until next time, be well!

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