SPFPP Episode 194: Therapy Exit Interviews 4 - Self Forgiveness

Jennifer completed our first cohort of SPFPP therapy sessions & shares what she got out of it. She’s also decided to get back with an ex. Social media emphasizes disconnecting from toxicity in relationships. What we don’t see is what neutralizing that toxicity looks like. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to implement boundaries with toxic people for healthier interactions when they can't be avoided. Follow up email from the guest and I have permission to share: Hey Courtney - Thanks again for the opportunity to share my experience in the herpes support group and my personal herpes story on your podcast. I will be honest: I was a little uncomfortable coming out of our talk on Wednesday night, because I didn’t expect to get so in depth talking about my relationship, especially knowing that this information will be heard by the whole inter webs! I know that my choice to start a relationship back up with my ex might be frowned upon or even the subject of ridicule, but I think it is important to reiterate that life, love, healing, everything — not one bit of it is linear - it is a fucking rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, and all of our rides might look a little different, and that’s ok. ️After sitting in my discomfort these past few days, I wanted to add something that came to mind this morning as I was further ruminating on our talk. Between you and I, I know we shared several discussions related to my relationship(s) that I am sure were less than positive. lol. But the thing about me, my past, my diagnosis, and now the full circle choice in starting my life again with my ex, is that my particular pattern in relationships (in general) was to “run…” I was a runner. Prior to my diagnosis, when things got hard / difficult / barely annoying in relationships, I bolted. I came from a family that idolized the mentality - “if something is broke, just throw it away and get something new / better.” So that’s how I handled all relationships. To make a very long story as short as possible, I wished I had the words during our interview to have said this: (**you said this to me during one of our talks last year that BLEW MY MIND**) My herpes diagnosis, in a way, saved me. IT GROUNDED MY ASS HARD. I had to - no, I was FORCED to - stop running. I had to sit with myself, my diagnosis, my pains, my failures, successes, loves, losses, everything. I looked deeply at the things I wanted, I re-evaluated my priorities, I was able to look at the people and things who were standing in front of me loving “a whole me” and the others who were just taking up space and who needed out. Through this, I found redemption for myself and for a boy who was growing up in front my eyes and wanted to be with me on newer terms, despite mistakes made. Lots of relationships go through heartbreak or struggle and couples get through it. For me, this last year has been a journey toward deep inner love for myself that allowed me to be present with my new, even BETTER self — HSV2 + and Fabulous. I KNOW the herpes support group further solidified my feelings of forgiveness, for myself and others, in that the herpes didn’t ruin my life, it brought me so much more into truly “ living “ than I have ever been. Thanks for your time in reading this. Hope to talk again soon. I would love to be a part of the behind the scenes, helping you and SPFPP in any way I can! Best, Jennifer