You Have To Be Flexible

Jan 20, 2020

Parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all journey. The myth of a singular 'right' way to raise children is debunked, highlighting the importance of flexibility. Each child is unique and requires different approaches as they grow. Insights from acclaimed author James Frey emphasize that being a dad is about ongoing learning and adapting to each child's needs. A relatable discussion springs from the story of the prodigal son, illustrating the necessity of tailored parenting strategies.

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INSIGHT

No One Right Way

Parenting books often promote a "right way" to parent, but every child and situation differs.
There isn't one correct approach; adapt to each child's needs.

ADVICE

Flexible Parenting

Be flexible in your parenting approach, as each child is unique.
Adjust your methods based on individual needs and circumstances.

ANECDOTE

Prodigal Son & James Frey

The prodigal son story illustrates how different children require different treatment.
James Frey emphasizes adapting to each child's unique personality and stage.

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When you read parenting books, it’s hard not to get the distinct sense that there is a right way to parent. That being a dad (or a mom) means following a set of processes—backed up and confirmed by research—and that to do anything else is to deviate and fail. We think the same thing about teachers too: Here is how the best teachers operate, so be like that.

But the truth is that it’s all relative. There is no right way because every child is different, every parent is different, every situation is different. Think about the story of the prodigal son—it’s a lesson about a bunch of things, but one of the subtler lessons is that different kids require different treatment. The father in that story wasn’t being unfair. He was being what each of his sons needed.

Recently, we asked the author James Frey (yes, that James Frey—the brilliant and controversial novelist; read Katerina or Bright Shiny Morning if you haven’t yet) what he’s learned about fatherhood, and he actually told us something pretty similar:

Being a Dad is an ongoing process of learning and adjusting and adapting. That for each kid, at each stage of that kid's life, you have to adjust and learn. I have three kids. Two girls and a boy in the middle. Being a Dad, to me, isn't like being a drill sergeant. There is no single way to handle each child...I don't want them all to be the same person. They are each unique, with their own personalities and strengths and struggles. And they are radically different at different ages. And that requires me to constantly be learning how to best raise them.

It’s great advice and worth thinking about today. You have to be flexible. You have to be willing to approach each situation as a distinct set of circumstances and conditions. There is no “right way” to do things, but there is always a “right thing” to do in each situation.

Adjust until you find it.

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