Sexual Fantasies:

Healthy Intimacy or Hidden Escape?

In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take a deep dive into the complex and often misunderstood world of sexual fantasy. Together, they explore important questions: When are fantasies healthy? When do they become problematic?

Dr. Skinner explains that fantasy is a normal part of human sexuality and even essential for arousal, but emphasizes the importance of safety, trust, and presence in a relationship. MaryAnn highlights how childhood experiences, shame, and unmet needs can shape fantasies, sometimes leading them to serve as escapes from pain rather than tools for connection.

The conversation covers:

The difference between healthy and unhealthy fantasy.
How betrayal trauma complicates trust when it comes to fantasy.
Why understanding your “arousal template” matters.
How vulnerability and communication can turn fantasy into a tool for intimacy rather than a source of division.
The risks of sexual shame and the importance of creating safe, nonjudgmental dialogue.

Whether you’re curious about your own fantasies, navigating betrayal trauma, or seeking to strengthen intimacy with your partner, this episode provides a thoughtful, compassionate perspective on one of the most vulnerable aspects of human sexuality.

📚 Resources Mentioned & Recommended

The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal – Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw
Mating in Captivity – Esther Perel
The Seven Types of Intimacy in Action (upcoming book) – Dr. Kevin Skinner
IITAP (International Institute of Trauma & Addiction Professionals) – https://www.iitap.com
For questions or topic suggestions: questions@humanintimacy.com

Sexual Fantasies: Healthy Intimacy or Hidden Escape? (Episode #81)